Dear friends:
It is with great regret and tearful sadness that I write this post. I just got a call from my mom that my uncle Jimmy, who has been battling cancer for some time now, passed away this morning. My dad left this past Thursday to go up and visit him and came back home yesterday, but will be leaving again this afternoon to drive up for the funeral which will be held this Thursday. I can not even begin to express my gratitude and appreciation for all the prayers that I know have been prayed in the days since I posted last about this and I now ask that once again you please pray for my dad, my family, and Jimmy’s family in the next few days as I know that this will be very difficult for my dad especially as he lost his other brother, Jessie, to cancer just a few years back and both of his parents before then. Again I thank you all for your care and love in this time. I also thank those of you who made your prayers known to me and my family with your posts and calls and words of kindness to us in this time as well as those I may not even know who read this or who read and keep it to themselves. It is all appreciated and God will use that to strengthen us in this time. Thank you and I love you.
believe. live.
- david
Monday, November 28
Sunday, November 27
never put a period where God has placed a comma....
so a couple of weeks ago i saw a sign in front of a church…you know the signs that churches have and they put little messages or notes on by the road…well anyway it said “never put a period where God has put a comma.” i like that. a lot. i have been wanting to write about it for a while but i haven’t yet because, well, i don’t know why. i have posted since then but i just didn’t know what to say i guess. the more i thought about it the more it makes so much sense to me. so often things happen in our lives that we don’t understand…in fact we probably don’t understand a lot of the stuff that happens to us or others around us. example – i don’t understand why my uncle jimmy is dying right now from cancer that has consumed his entire body when just a month ago the cancer was gone. example 2 – why does it seem that when we ask God for answers or guidance we don’t see it when we want? these are just a couple of things i have thought about lately i guess. but when i put a comma after each of those it makes a lot of sense. when i was talking with cristina bell on the phone last week she was reading me her sermon she was giving the next day. she talked about commas. she was saying…and i’m sorry if i mess your stuff up sis…that commas can change the meaning of anything. they can add a pause or emphasis. they can literally flip what a statement means. here’s an example. if someone says “give thanks” you would think they’re saying you should be appreciative and acknowledge what you have. but here…what does this mean to you…”give, thanks.” it’s the same…but different.
i think that a lot of times God puts commas in our life. i also feel that all too often we interpret those as periods. we shouldn’t. that’s not fair. sometimes things come up and God has to show us that and it doesn’t matter what we must sacrifice or what we must do in His name…we must do it. it’s His answer to us. it’s His guidance. i’m learning this…slowly but surely…
another thing i was thinking about just yesterday was that i have heard a lot of people talk about “road blocks” God has put in their lives. i disagree. i think they’re just detours or alternate routes. we can do what we want…it’s free will. but sometimes God puts up a detour…another route we should take because the one we’re on is damaged or broken but it’s up to us to choose what we do. have you ever seen bruce almighty? think about when bruce is asking God for guidance and he’s driving his car but he doesn’t think he’s getting anything back. the truth is he’s not paying attention. he passes all of these road signs that tell him to “slow down”; “stop”; “use caution”. bruce doesn’t listen and he pays the consequences for it. we need to slow down, use caution, and sometimes even stop and listen to what God has to say to us. if He has a detour in our plans, maybe we should consider taking it. sometimes the way that makes sense is the worst way possible.
feel free to disagree…it’s just how i feel.
believe. live.
- david
i think that a lot of times God puts commas in our life. i also feel that all too often we interpret those as periods. we shouldn’t. that’s not fair. sometimes things come up and God has to show us that and it doesn’t matter what we must sacrifice or what we must do in His name…we must do it. it’s His answer to us. it’s His guidance. i’m learning this…slowly but surely…
another thing i was thinking about just yesterday was that i have heard a lot of people talk about “road blocks” God has put in their lives. i disagree. i think they’re just detours or alternate routes. we can do what we want…it’s free will. but sometimes God puts up a detour…another route we should take because the one we’re on is damaged or broken but it’s up to us to choose what we do. have you ever seen bruce almighty? think about when bruce is asking God for guidance and he’s driving his car but he doesn’t think he’s getting anything back. the truth is he’s not paying attention. he passes all of these road signs that tell him to “slow down”; “stop”; “use caution”. bruce doesn’t listen and he pays the consequences for it. we need to slow down, use caution, and sometimes even stop and listen to what God has to say to us. if He has a detour in our plans, maybe we should consider taking it. sometimes the way that makes sense is the worst way possible.
feel free to disagree…it’s just how i feel.
believe. live.
- david
Saturday, November 26
i never said you had to read it
i have noticed something lately…i think that i have always thought it but as of late it has really come into focus. i can’t stand it when people are…i guess…well i don’t think fake is the right word. neither is phony. i don’t know how to put it. i guess i would have to say that i hate it when people live double lives. yeah…that makes sense. i just think it’s wrong. it’s usually hypocritical. in a lot of the cases i see it seems that people who do this are usually doing stuff they preach against. something else i’ve noticed is that it seems everyone does it to some degree or another. people are always quick to point out other people’s faults but never seem to acknowledge their own…even when it’s the same fault they’re pointing out in the other person – if that makes sense. for example… someone always tells other people not to drink when they themselves do in their own time. or someone says not to smoke when they themselves do it. is it trying to save other people from making your mistakes or just you being on a self-righteous-ego-trip? is it both? we’re always quick to criticize…never quick to compliment or acknowledge good things. and why is it that we make excuses for some people but condemn others for the same mistakes? if you saw someone on the street smoking you’d say “ugh that’s gross” but you find out a friend does it and you say “oh well at least your honest” or “well you’re still a good person.” i’m not saying they’re a bad person, but then again, that person on the street may not be either. let’s go with drinking. i know a lot of people, especially salvationists, who hate drinking. they won’t even consider it as acceptable for a christian to do. they say how bad it is for people to drink and but if they find out a friend drinks or catch a friend drinking that is no longer an issue. the first thing is always blaming someone else for the problem. it’s never the drinker’s fault it’s always the person who exposed it that gets in trouble or the people who they drank with. no one is ever accountable for their own actions anymore. i’ve been told many times “you shouldn’t have said this person did this even if it meant you would have had to lie.” what does that accomplish? really… why should i sacrifice myself…my morals…to cover for someone else who has willingly compromised theirs? i didn’t make that person drink and to be honest if they wouldn’t have drank then there would have been nothing to say. no one ever thinks that though. no…it’s always “you’re a bad friend cause you couldn’t keep your mouth shut” or “it wasn’t your business.” i’m sorry but as a christian i feel it is. if someone asks me about another person and i know the truth i won’t lie for that person. i won’t. why should i? if they’re big enough to make the mistake then they should be big enough to take the consequences of that mistake and deal with the repercussions. it’s always the bad things that we focus on. no matter how much good has happened in a situation or the good memories we have or anything of that nature it seems we as people tend to linger and stress over the bad aspects. we so quickly let go of the happy things…the things we would at one time miss but then stay consumed by the bad things that weren’t as important in retrospect. how did we lose our focus? when?
i can’t stand to watch the news anymore for that reason. we’ve lost focus of the good things. i hate sadness and that is all you ever see. i don’t even like to watch sportscenter because there is always some athlete wanting more money and wanting to negotiate a contract or it is t.o. complaining and talking crap about everyone he has ever met or it is that another “superstar” has tested positive for drugs or that someone is injured. well not always. sometimes we glorify and immortalize athletes because of minor accomplishments that will never affect the large majority of the world. it’s stupid. the news is garbage. when was the last time you turned on the news and the first story was something good. a story about someone helping out or giving back. it never happens. it’s a murder, a theft, a natural disaster, political scandals – it’s depressing is what it is. call my ignorant or scared but i’d rather not be up to date with today’s current events, thank you. i have enough of my own stuff to deal with. there are more important things than whether or not an athlete is not getting as much money as he wants or the fact that another actor/actress marriage has broken up or that another rapper has been shot. i’m sorry, but i just don’t care anymore.
i’m sorry this seemed depressing if that’s how it came across to you, but i didn’t make you read it.
there’s a big green ball in my room that never made it to it’s home….
believe. live.
- david
i can’t stand to watch the news anymore for that reason. we’ve lost focus of the good things. i hate sadness and that is all you ever see. i don’t even like to watch sportscenter because there is always some athlete wanting more money and wanting to negotiate a contract or it is t.o. complaining and talking crap about everyone he has ever met or it is that another “superstar” has tested positive for drugs or that someone is injured. well not always. sometimes we glorify and immortalize athletes because of minor accomplishments that will never affect the large majority of the world. it’s stupid. the news is garbage. when was the last time you turned on the news and the first story was something good. a story about someone helping out or giving back. it never happens. it’s a murder, a theft, a natural disaster, political scandals – it’s depressing is what it is. call my ignorant or scared but i’d rather not be up to date with today’s current events, thank you. i have enough of my own stuff to deal with. there are more important things than whether or not an athlete is not getting as much money as he wants or the fact that another actor/actress marriage has broken up or that another rapper has been shot. i’m sorry, but i just don’t care anymore.
i’m sorry this seemed depressing if that’s how it came across to you, but i didn’t make you read it.
there’s a big green ball in my room that never made it to it’s home….
believe. live.
- david
Friday, November 25
Tuesday, November 22
prayer
guys i write this for one reason only...i need you guys...anyone to please pray for my dad. he recieved a call saying that they are going to be sending my uncle jimmy home from the hospital tomorrow because the cancer has spread throughout his entire body and there is nothing they can do at this point. it is especially hard because about a month ago the doctors had told him that the cancer was gone and now with this happening it has come as a shock to us all. my dad is no going to be leaving to drive up to indianapolis early thanksgiving morning to be able to see him and say his goodbyes. please just keep especially my dad, my uncle jimmy, and his wife pam as well as his son jimmy in your prayers. i know they would appreciate it as would i. thanks.
believe. live.
- david
believe. live.
- david
it's the little things....
and now…the happy things. :) the things that just seem to make you smile. these are some things that even just the thought of bring a smile to my face. the things i like to remember. the simple and good things in life. i am easily amused…and these are some of the things that make me love life (in no specific order…)
- babies
- late night talks on the phone…especially when you talk so much and get so tired you
fall asleep talking (even though it isn’t usually me falling asleep…)
- random im’s just to say hey or someone was thinking about me
- random phone calls for the same reason
- getting mail
- when people leave me little notes and such
- looking at pictures of past times and people
- just hanging around with friends
- remembering old times…
- melting pot
- nice animals
- seeing family
- listening to good music
- looking in the mirror and seeing messages people leave
- tons of random pictures people take on my cell phone
- dressing up nice
- …i’ll add to this list as i think of them
* please continue to pray for my uncle and dad...my dad is going up to indiana on thursday night or friday to see him hopefully before he's gone. just pray for his safety traveling as well as for him and the family with all of this. thanks guys.
have a good day everyone. leave it.
- babies
- late night talks on the phone…especially when you talk so much and get so tired you
fall asleep talking (even though it isn’t usually me falling asleep…)
- random im’s just to say hey or someone was thinking about me
- random phone calls for the same reason
- getting mail
- when people leave me little notes and such
- looking at pictures of past times and people
- just hanging around with friends
- remembering old times…
- melting pot
- nice animals
- seeing family
- listening to good music
- looking in the mirror and seeing messages people leave
- tons of random pictures people take on my cell phone
- dressing up nice
- …i’ll add to this list as i think of them
* please continue to pray for my uncle and dad...my dad is going up to indiana on thursday night or friday to see him hopefully before he's gone. just pray for his safety traveling as well as for him and the family with all of this. thanks guys.
have a good day everyone. leave it.
praying for you....
believe. live.
- david
believe. live.
- david
Friday, November 18
thank you for this
1 "Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good!
faithful love endures forever.
2 Let the congregation of Israel repeat:
"His faithful love endures forever."
3 Let Aaron's descendants, the priests, repeat:
"His faithful love endures forever."
4 Let all who fear the LORD repeat:
"His faithful love endures forever."
5 In my distress I prayed to the LORD,
and the LORD answered me and rescued me.
6 The LORD is for me, so I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
7 Yes, the LORD is for me; he will help me.
I will look in triumph at those who hate me.
8 It is better to trust the LORD
than to put confidence in people.
9 It is better to trust the LORD
than to put confidence in princes.
10 Though hostile nations surrounded me,
I destroyed them all in the name of the LORD.
11 Yes, they surrounded and attacked me,
but I destroyed them all in the name of the LORD.
12 They swarmed around me like bees;
they blazed against me like a roaring flame.
But I destroyed them all in the name of the LORD.
13 You did your best to kill me, O my enemy,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my victory.
15 Songs of joy and victory are sung in the camp of the godly.
The strong right arm of the LORD has done glorious things!
16 The strong right arm of the LORD is raised in triumph.
The strong right arm of the LORD has done glorious things!
17 I will not die, but I will live
to tell what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has punished me severely,
but he has not handed me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates where the righteous enter,
and I will go in and thank the LORD.
20 Those gates lead to the presence of the LORD,
and the godly enter there.
21 I thank you for answering my prayer
and saving me!
22 The stone rejected by the builders
has now become the cornerstone.
23 This is the LORD's doing,
and it is marvelous to see.
24 This is the day the LORD has made.
We will rejoice and be glad in it.
25 Please, LORD, please save us.
Please, LORD, please give us success.
26 Bless the one who comes in the name of the LORD.
We bless you from the house of the LORD.
27 The LORD is God, shining upon us.
Bring forward the sacrifice and put it on the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will praise you!
You are my God, and I will exalt you!
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever."
- psalm 118
faithful love endures forever.
2 Let the congregation of Israel repeat:
"His faithful love endures forever."
3 Let Aaron's descendants, the priests, repeat:
"His faithful love endures forever."
4 Let all who fear the LORD repeat:
"His faithful love endures forever."
5 In my distress I prayed to the LORD,
and the LORD answered me and rescued me.
6 The LORD is for me, so I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
7 Yes, the LORD is for me; he will help me.
I will look in triumph at those who hate me.
8 It is better to trust the LORD
than to put confidence in people.
9 It is better to trust the LORD
than to put confidence in princes.
10 Though hostile nations surrounded me,
I destroyed them all in the name of the LORD.
11 Yes, they surrounded and attacked me,
but I destroyed them all in the name of the LORD.
12 They swarmed around me like bees;
they blazed against me like a roaring flame.
But I destroyed them all in the name of the LORD.
13 You did your best to kill me, O my enemy,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my victory.
15 Songs of joy and victory are sung in the camp of the godly.
The strong right arm of the LORD has done glorious things!
16 The strong right arm of the LORD is raised in triumph.
The strong right arm of the LORD has done glorious things!
17 I will not die, but I will live
to tell what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has punished me severely,
but he has not handed me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates where the righteous enter,
and I will go in and thank the LORD.
20 Those gates lead to the presence of the LORD,
and the godly enter there.
21 I thank you for answering my prayer
and saving me!
22 The stone rejected by the builders
has now become the cornerstone.
23 This is the LORD's doing,
and it is marvelous to see.
24 This is the day the LORD has made.
We will rejoice and be glad in it.
25 Please, LORD, please save us.
Please, LORD, please give us success.
26 Bless the one who comes in the name of the LORD.
We bless you from the house of the LORD.
27 The LORD is God, shining upon us.
Bring forward the sacrifice and put it on the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will praise you!
You are my God, and I will exalt you!
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever."
- psalm 118
Thursday, November 17
yay for mom.
so I think that moms are amazing…especially mine. they always have something good to tell you, or so it seems. like lately for example I have had a ton of questions (as you well know) and i’ve been confused and upset about things and they always understand and are always willing to talk. thanks, mom. ( but the point of this something my mom sent me today in an e-mail. in her bible study she has been reading psalms and actually dealing with problems similar to mine as of late…funny how that happens. so in reading last night she was mad and upset and wanted to read a prayer in psalms from david as a prayer to God to wish dread on certain things in life that had been bothering and upsetting her. i think a lot of us do this…we get upset and we want to seek revenge or wish bad onto another person. we shouldn’t, though. we should pray for them…not against them. here’s the verse she sent me today...the verse she was given when she prayed her request:
Do good to your servant according to your word, Oh Lord. Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart. Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.
i think it’s good that we are hurt sometimes. it helps us to grow and to fall on God. if we were never hurt and never faced hardship would we ever even talk to God? ever pray? i mean think about it…all too often when things are going right we get away from God and take it on ourselves – we take control. why? we’re given something and then we take it for granted and don’t thank the giver. don’t you like to be thanked when you give something? of course you do. i obviously can’t speak for everyone but for me i can say that it is good to be humbled at times. it brings us back down to reality. it makes us appreciate what we have. i’m not saying God wants us to hurt or makes us hurt, but then again maybe He just wants to get our attention… how we interpret it and react (mad, angry, humbled, prayerful, etc.) is up to us. any thoughts?
believe. live.
- david
Do good to your servant according to your word, Oh Lord. Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart. Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.
i think it’s good that we are hurt sometimes. it helps us to grow and to fall on God. if we were never hurt and never faced hardship would we ever even talk to God? ever pray? i mean think about it…all too often when things are going right we get away from God and take it on ourselves – we take control. why? we’re given something and then we take it for granted and don’t thank the giver. don’t you like to be thanked when you give something? of course you do. i obviously can’t speak for everyone but for me i can say that it is good to be humbled at times. it brings us back down to reality. it makes us appreciate what we have. i’m not saying God wants us to hurt or makes us hurt, but then again maybe He just wants to get our attention… how we interpret it and react (mad, angry, humbled, prayerful, etc.) is up to us. any thoughts?
believe. live.
- david
Wednesday, November 16
so many questions...
so how do i know? how do i know what is going on outside of my world? how do i know the goings-on “behind the scenes?” will i ever know? will this ever have a conclusion? i often ask these questions about numerous topics, especially ones that i have deemed to be out of my hands. when we give something to God, how do we know what He is doing with it? people say to pray about it and we’ll be told. others say to just have faith that it will end up how it is supposed to and that because you have given it to God then He will take care of you. well, what happens when you’re still confused? when you still wonder day after day what is going on? when you give something up, not for spite or out of anger or hate, but for God, does it always end up happy? it seems that no matter what i do, i can’t forget. is that bad? should i by now? i don’t need pictures, chats, or anything else specific. i remember in songs, in seeing places i’ve been, thinking of places i’ve been, that i will be at, hearing something, saying something, hugging someone, just sitting there and the thoughts pop into my head. am i failing? is this happening because i’m weak? is it all in vein? i don’t even know what is going on outside of me. is that mutual? should it matter? it does. i don’t know why, it just does. i do wonder about it. i wonder about it everyday. what’s going on with it, what will happen in the days to come, how will it end up, am i the only one who feels this way, do you think about it too?…maybe i’ll never know.
correction...
hey guys. a couple people have made it known that i had forgotten to give credit to a book i had been reading. in my first "long" post i put at the end "*credit - praise habit". i did this as a short cite cause, as you can see, it was late and i didn't remember how to properly cite it. i did it like that because on my xanga you can say what book you are reading and what not and i wasn't thinking (as usual) and was guessing that when people saw the "credit" line then they would know what i was reading and put it together. then i forgot to put anything after the second "long" post. i wasn't signing them in an attempt to steal the words, but because it's what my blog automatically does when i finish a post. in fact, in the first post i didn't sign it for that reason, but then added the signature javascript and wasn't thinking it would look like i was taking the credit. SO...to correct, much of the context of the entries from november 5th and 7th were from david crowder's book praise habit, like i said before. sorry bout the confusion and apologies to anyone who got the wrong message from that...wasn't my intention. later.
...also though...if you do leave me a comment on here let me know who you are so i can respond or whatever to you instead of puting up generic messages in my aim or on here or whatever the situation is. and it's nice to know who's reading, too.
believe. live.
- david
...also though...if you do leave me a comment on here let me know who you are so i can respond or whatever to you instead of puting up generic messages in my aim or on here or whatever the situation is. and it's nice to know who's reading, too.
believe. live.
- david
Sunday, November 13
excuse me, but i have a question (or two...)
how do you express what can not be expressed? how does one tell stories that have no clear start or end? what if there are no words to put in the middle? how about if pictures themselves won’t tell the tale to it’s worth and make it real again? what do you do? how do you express, tell, show, and communicate in any way feelings, love, compassion, caring, a longing and emotion that can’t be told? no one is psychic. no one knows what the other person is thinking, wanting, feeling…it is all assumption. all based on observation. even words themselves are just words. just sound. i think love can be expressed. longing, caring, everything can be shown, exhibited. but how? is it by words alone? actions? both? does it go beyond that to just a gut feeling and absolute trust and knowing of what is real and fantasy? what is past or present or future? do we ever know? do you ever know? what do you do when you don’t know what is going on? when you can’t stop thinking about it but you’re getting no answers…no story. it’s all assumption. observation is even gone. nothing. all imagination…thought. should i think them? are they real? do people know what i’m thinking or do i hide it well… what if people don’t know how you feel? you want them to, but they don’t. can’t. a longing, a love. missing …. everything. do people know? do they think about it too? when you look up and pray do they feel it? do they pray about it too? do they think, wonder, assume, want…. i don’t know. so many questions…so few answers, if any…
believe. live.
- david
believe. live.
- david
Friday, November 11
live.
so this wasn’t my original post. those of you who may of read it earlier know that. but this is my post, now. so here it is.
"the spiritual life is first of all life. it is not merely something
to be known and studied, it is to be lived."
-- thomas merton
to live. to live a life. a life not that of people around us. our own independent life. a life within ourselves and a life on the outside as well. a complete, whole, purposeful life. how? how do we do that? i don’t even have the strength a lot of times to get out of bed in the morning. i don’t have the will. the want. the desire. but i do, everyday. i have to. it’s what i am supposed to do. if i don’t do that then i can’t live. i can’t be. i can’t be what i am supposed to be. maybe i won’t be it that day, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for years. but one day i will be. it will be that day. what if that’s the day i give up? the day i call it quits and throw in the towel? then what happens? was it all for nothing? i won’t do that. i won’t be that…a failure. a fraud. a quitter. i won’t. it’s not me. it’s not who i am.
what am i? who am i? i’m a Christian. i am a weak, stubborn, failing, beaten, attacked, broken down, mad, upset, sad, lost, confused, blind, def, stupid Christian – in me. i am a loved, looked-up-to, rejoiced, cared about, friendly, funny, caring, happy, purpose-driven, confident, knowing, wise, aware, listening, attentive, achieving, open-minded, accepting, all out Christian – in Him. hm…see a difference? yeah. i know what i need to be. i know what i want to be. i know what i want in life. i want Him. everything else will follow. it already has. He is already working, guiding, teaching… He loves me endlessly. i can’t just talk it. i can’t just say it. unless i get up and do it … live it … it means nothing. not to me, not to anyone. it’s fake. it’s just talk. that’s nothing. talk is cheap. actions…actions speak louder than words. i can’t just read it, write it, speak it or think it. i have to do it. it doesn’t matter what anyone tells me, what i read unless i act on it. unless i live it. i want to live it. i need to live it. it’s my duty. it’s my happiness. it’s my privilege. it’s a reward that i have been given, not a burden. a blessing, not a curse. i need to seize it. grasp it. never let go. if i have a hold on this one thing i need, everything else will fall into place. live. live fully. live unto Him. at least try.
always praying. always seeking. never forgetting. always caring. in time…
believe. live.
- david
"the spiritual life is first of all life. it is not merely something
to be known and studied, it is to be lived."
-- thomas merton
to live. to live a life. a life not that of people around us. our own independent life. a life within ourselves and a life on the outside as well. a complete, whole, purposeful life. how? how do we do that? i don’t even have the strength a lot of times to get out of bed in the morning. i don’t have the will. the want. the desire. but i do, everyday. i have to. it’s what i am supposed to do. if i don’t do that then i can’t live. i can’t be. i can’t be what i am supposed to be. maybe i won’t be it that day, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for years. but one day i will be. it will be that day. what if that’s the day i give up? the day i call it quits and throw in the towel? then what happens? was it all for nothing? i won’t do that. i won’t be that…a failure. a fraud. a quitter. i won’t. it’s not me. it’s not who i am.
what am i? who am i? i’m a Christian. i am a weak, stubborn, failing, beaten, attacked, broken down, mad, upset, sad, lost, confused, blind, def, stupid Christian – in me. i am a loved, looked-up-to, rejoiced, cared about, friendly, funny, caring, happy, purpose-driven, confident, knowing, wise, aware, listening, attentive, achieving, open-minded, accepting, all out Christian – in Him. hm…see a difference? yeah. i know what i need to be. i know what i want to be. i know what i want in life. i want Him. everything else will follow. it already has. He is already working, guiding, teaching… He loves me endlessly. i can’t just talk it. i can’t just say it. unless i get up and do it … live it … it means nothing. not to me, not to anyone. it’s fake. it’s just talk. that’s nothing. talk is cheap. actions…actions speak louder than words. i can’t just read it, write it, speak it or think it. i have to do it. it doesn’t matter what anyone tells me, what i read unless i act on it. unless i live it. i want to live it. i need to live it. it’s my duty. it’s my happiness. it’s my privilege. it’s a reward that i have been given, not a burden. a blessing, not a curse. i need to seize it. grasp it. never let go. if i have a hold on this one thing i need, everything else will fall into place. live. live fully. live unto Him. at least try.
always praying. always seeking. never forgetting. always caring. in time…
believe. live.
- david
Wednesday, November 9
love actually is...
not all around? but the movie said it was! yeah hugh grant said that “love actually IS all around…” well my friends, hugh grant is a liar. well maybe that’s a little harsh. hugh grant was slightly “telling a falsity” when he made that quote in the movie Love Actually. first off: what is love? are we love? do we love? who judges and determines the strength and meaning of our love? i don’t just mean love for a sister, a mother, a friend, a girlfriend/boyfriend or a spouse. but what is “love?” is it an emotion? is it a word that you say to express a feeling inside of you? i’d have to disagree with that. sure that’s a part of it…but love is so much more. i am going to contradict myself now by saying that love IS all around us…but it’s not our love. it’s not love from us. it’s not love from others. it’s the only perfect love…agape love…from the only one who can possess such a strong affection. that’s the thing about God that never ceases to amaze me. no matter what i do, no matter what i’ve done, and even knowing what i will do in the future God loves me all the same. that is love. that is true love. no person can possess such a great love. when we look at love we need to look at it in that perspective. not just say “i love you” and buy flowers to show it but it goes beyond that.
in Corinthians 13 paul writes a letter not only to the church of corinth but to Christians everywhere. many of you have probably heard this or read it for yourselves. in the new living translation chapter 13 reads as follows:
“ If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear. Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear. It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now. There are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.”
a friend of mine recently put it to me this way. look at the good in there, not the negative. just to start off. there are seven things to identify. love is: patient, kind, always rejoicing, faithful, hopeful, enduring, and never gives up. this is the love we should strive for. i challenge you…next time you think you love someone, think “do i really?” we’ll never love perfectly, but we should at least try. just think about it.
believe. live.
- david
in Corinthians 13 paul writes a letter not only to the church of corinth but to Christians everywhere. many of you have probably heard this or read it for yourselves. in the new living translation chapter 13 reads as follows:
“ If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear. Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear. It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now. There are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.”
a friend of mine recently put it to me this way. look at the good in there, not the negative. just to start off. there are seven things to identify. love is: patient, kind, always rejoicing, faithful, hopeful, enduring, and never gives up. this is the love we should strive for. i challenge you…next time you think you love someone, think “do i really?” we’ll never love perfectly, but we should at least try. just think about it.
believe. live.
- david
Monday, November 7
makes you wonder...
"So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life – and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out."
-- Romans 12:1-2 (The Message Remix)
habit is such a funny thing. spent needles, cigarette butts, spitting bits of freshly-torn fingernails, toilet seats in the upright position…for some reason when the word “habit” is used it is automatically put into a bad context. you never think good habit…it’s always a bad habit. when i hear “habit” i usually tend to think of things done by people that are not particularly positive. chances are you do, too. habits like cussing, lying, grinding teeth, drinking from the carton, clicking a pen over and over and over and over, cleaning ears with sharp instruments like, say, keys or a light saber, burning anything that appears flammable, drinking, sleeping while driving…it’s incredible the things that become habitual.
i sucked my thumb when i was a kid. heck, i sucked my thumb into my teenage years, long after i became aware it was “embarrassing” to do so. not that i cared. i had been told and told to quit, but i didn’t i didn’t want to. “you’ll have buckteeth” they’d say, but i wouldn’t give in. people tried anything…bribes, rewards, punishments, that terrible liquid that evil parents put on your nails and tastes like a mix of ear wax and car tires…but i wouldn’t budge. no, i was strong willed. well, maybe just stupid. either way… i would continue to suck my thumb and get buckteeth.
a habit is an act acquired by experience and performed regularly and automatically. a habit is influenced not only by elements that bring the behavior to the surface but also by rewards or punishments that follow the behavior. self-destructive habits can be eliminated by a number of means such as behavior modification and counter-conditioning techniques. These involve increasing one’s awareness of a habit, interrupting it’s performance so that it no longer seems such a natural thing to, and reinforcing another act as the competitor. habits involve no conscious choice among alternatives. i heard once that if you do something for twenty-one days it is likely to become a habit. don’t believe me? try it. do something for twenty-one days and if you forget do it when you think about it to reinforce it into your head. it will work. eventually it will become second nature and you will just do it until you do the reverse and make yourself stop. for some bad habit, there was never any intentional formation. for example, i have never heard of an alcoholic who started drinking one day by saying “okay just twenty-one days and i’ll drink this stuff like water.” most nail biters probably don’t say “man i love the taste of my nails and the feeling of tearing them down so far my fingers bleed and burn in pain. i should do this more often.” no, it’s just something we do. good habits seem to be more difficult to manage. for example, flossing…the almighty chore. i can’t start. i just can’t. i have decided it’s easier to quit smoking then to start flossing. i just can’t get it going. the key is because i don’t want to and i think about that. why don’t i think i don’t want to do things when it’s bad like cussing, biting my nails, anything…?
i’ll just get to the point now. look at what i said. make any sense? i’m not saying you need to analize what a bad person you are because of your bad habits. become aware of them, yes. try to eliminate them, yes. but we’re not perfect and no one should expect that of us. even more importantly we need to start good habits. reading our bible for example. not that it should be something we just do for the heck of it but we should still do it regularly….daily…multiple times daily. not even reading a bible but doing some form of devotions whatever that my be. praying is another one. don’t let your prayers be regulated to a certain time of day or a certain pattern you always pray in saying the same thing every time. give it meaning. make it something special. give that as much thought as you’d give what you’re going to wear in a certain day. give God as much time as you give your make-up in the morning. do you realize how much time we waste? why? for what? to look good? to feel a shallow, false sense of self-worth or so that we can fit in with the “majority?” why do that? Jesus didn’t and i don’t think He regrets it. we try to hard for the pointless, needless things in life. we strive so hard for personal meaning and worldly acceptance when we can’t even accept ourselves and when we can’t even focus on what it is that we need to accept…God. everything about Him. try it. twenty-one days. i triple-dog-dare you.
believe. live.
- david
-- Romans 12:1-2 (The Message Remix)
habit is such a funny thing. spent needles, cigarette butts, spitting bits of freshly-torn fingernails, toilet seats in the upright position…for some reason when the word “habit” is used it is automatically put into a bad context. you never think good habit…it’s always a bad habit. when i hear “habit” i usually tend to think of things done by people that are not particularly positive. chances are you do, too. habits like cussing, lying, grinding teeth, drinking from the carton, clicking a pen over and over and over and over, cleaning ears with sharp instruments like, say, keys or a light saber, burning anything that appears flammable, drinking, sleeping while driving…it’s incredible the things that become habitual.
i sucked my thumb when i was a kid. heck, i sucked my thumb into my teenage years, long after i became aware it was “embarrassing” to do so. not that i cared. i had been told and told to quit, but i didn’t i didn’t want to. “you’ll have buckteeth” they’d say, but i wouldn’t give in. people tried anything…bribes, rewards, punishments, that terrible liquid that evil parents put on your nails and tastes like a mix of ear wax and car tires…but i wouldn’t budge. no, i was strong willed. well, maybe just stupid. either way… i would continue to suck my thumb and get buckteeth.
a habit is an act acquired by experience and performed regularly and automatically. a habit is influenced not only by elements that bring the behavior to the surface but also by rewards or punishments that follow the behavior. self-destructive habits can be eliminated by a number of means such as behavior modification and counter-conditioning techniques. These involve increasing one’s awareness of a habit, interrupting it’s performance so that it no longer seems such a natural thing to, and reinforcing another act as the competitor. habits involve no conscious choice among alternatives. i heard once that if you do something for twenty-one days it is likely to become a habit. don’t believe me? try it. do something for twenty-one days and if you forget do it when you think about it to reinforce it into your head. it will work. eventually it will become second nature and you will just do it until you do the reverse and make yourself stop. for some bad habit, there was never any intentional formation. for example, i have never heard of an alcoholic who started drinking one day by saying “okay just twenty-one days and i’ll drink this stuff like water.” most nail biters probably don’t say “man i love the taste of my nails and the feeling of tearing them down so far my fingers bleed and burn in pain. i should do this more often.” no, it’s just something we do. good habits seem to be more difficult to manage. for example, flossing…the almighty chore. i can’t start. i just can’t. i have decided it’s easier to quit smoking then to start flossing. i just can’t get it going. the key is because i don’t want to and i think about that. why don’t i think i don’t want to do things when it’s bad like cussing, biting my nails, anything…?
i’ll just get to the point now. look at what i said. make any sense? i’m not saying you need to analize what a bad person you are because of your bad habits. become aware of them, yes. try to eliminate them, yes. but we’re not perfect and no one should expect that of us. even more importantly we need to start good habits. reading our bible for example. not that it should be something we just do for the heck of it but we should still do it regularly….daily…multiple times daily. not even reading a bible but doing some form of devotions whatever that my be. praying is another one. don’t let your prayers be regulated to a certain time of day or a certain pattern you always pray in saying the same thing every time. give it meaning. make it something special. give that as much thought as you’d give what you’re going to wear in a certain day. give God as much time as you give your make-up in the morning. do you realize how much time we waste? why? for what? to look good? to feel a shallow, false sense of self-worth or so that we can fit in with the “majority?” why do that? Jesus didn’t and i don’t think He regrets it. we try to hard for the pointless, needless things in life. we strive so hard for personal meaning and worldly acceptance when we can’t even accept ourselves and when we can’t even focus on what it is that we need to accept…God. everything about Him. try it. twenty-one days. i triple-dog-dare you.
believe. live.
- david
Saturday, November 5
what happened?
"Praise is the culmination of our enjoyment of anything."
- C.S. Lewis
think back…think back to when you were a kid. no. farther … think back to when every day you lived was not long enough. think about when you were innocent in ever form of the word. do you remember when you could hold up any toy – any toy no matter how old, how dirty, how broken, how used – and you would sing its praises? do you remember when you would say to anyone who was in close proximity, “hey check out my toy!” or “look mom look!” we naturally understand praise. it’s a part of us … an instinct. we were created for it. as kids we were fabulous at praising. what happened to us? why did becoming adults change us in such a great and inexplicable manner? at some point, i hold the toy up and you mock me. you say “that toy is so gay” or “that piece of crap? please … check this out …” it’s no longer the cool toy i thought it once was. it is worn and tired … played out … useless, you point out. we slowly chip away at each other’s protective coatings of innocence until one day we wake up, naked, scared – people are pointing. sometimes i see a slide and i just want to run up and go down it and relive the happiness i once possessed. the sheer pleasure of for 2 measly seconds being able to experience joy in it’s most raw form. from behind me i her “dork!” and i stop. “what would they think? this is how children act … act your age. this is not civilized.” this is what we have done to each other. when was the last time you enjoyed the simplest of pleasures? played with your food lately? how about rolled around in an empty box? i remember when i used to blow bubbles in my chocolate milk and bite holes in my bread so i could put it over my face and stick my tongue through. i don’t anymore. why can’t we just feel good about ourselves? why do we have to worry about what we wear? we buy the “cool” clothes, the “nice” shoes, the newest and “in” trendy things. these don’t make us happy. it’s all a sham. we’re fake. we’re posers. i seem to be a happy and seemingly confident person. i mix well in groups. i make people laugh. it’s not because i want to … it’s because i don’t want to be frowned on. i don’t want to give a bad impression so i do all i can to make it so people don’t look at “me.” so they can’t mock me … scorn me. i don’t like to look into cameras. it paralyzes me in anxiety. i can’t stand the thought of someone out there looking into my eyes … picking at me, questioning me, heckling me. it’s easy to write this sitting here in the comfort of my room – alone. no one is here to look. no one can laugh. i look down or away when i talk to people. especially people i care about most. you’d think i wouldn’t. i don’t want them to see. don’t want them to see me. i don’t want them to have a reason to not be around me … to not talk to me. to leave me.
what’s the point? we’re all fragile. somewhere along the line we abandoned abandon. maybe we just gained things we should have discarded. who knows? we have discovered ourselves. someone called us ugly, fat, stupid, uncool. we’re dead to ourselves. expression with childlike spontaneity is gone. it bares too much of us.
try to think back again, now. think to what praise in it’s undiluted purity and fullness felt like. when you could dance with your arms out – not in at your side in protection, braced for an attack. it was so fluid … so natural. what is this was our action toward God? free, joyous, open, all-out praise to Him. what if we were so moved by Him and what He’s done that praise, adoration, love, worship, everything continuously careened in our heads and punded in our souls? what if praise were on the tip of our tongue waiting to be shot off like a loaded weapon in the hands of a meth addict and that any moment could pull the trigger? this is what we will do for eternity. why not start now?
live. believe.
*praise habit -- credit
Friday, November 4
here i am
so i'm new to this whole thing. i'm not sure what's gonna happen with it but i'm moving in different directions in my life and likewise i wanted to try something new here. i have been going through a lot of changes recently. God is good...no...He is amazing...no...He is...above anything that words can say. i'll be posting on here real soon. i look forward to this. take care.
- david
- david
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