don't settle for settling.

why do we settle so much? as people, we often know in our hearts what is best for us, even if it may not be what we want in our minds or flesh. i think that we do this for a few reasons.

the first reason is fear. a lot of times we will take what we can get because we are afraid that there won’t or can’t be anything better that would come along, so even if we know that something is not ideal for us if we want to walk alongside God, we settle. take, for example, someone you like. if you’re married…just think back to before it. first, you meet someone. generally speaking, your first impression of someone is physical attraction. so we’ll go with that for now… so you meet this person and you’re very attracted to them physically. as you hang out with them and get to know them you realize that they are fun to be around – he/she is nice, outgoing, funny, smart, goes to church and loves God and does all the things on your little checklist for traits a person should possess to attract you emotionally. then as you keep hanging out and talking, you slowly start to realize that maybe you were wrong… sure he/she is still very good-looking and fun to hang out with, but you find yourself feeling like trying to pursue anything is more like a job. you start finding this person to be difficult or immature or maybe they just play too many games (although i consider that under the immature part, to a degree….). i know for me at least, a big part of me would want to put up with all that crap and keep after it. i know it because i’ve done it more than once. but i doubt i’m the only one. you see we are settling for things that we bring into our lives out of fear that we can’t get anything better…that God won’t give us anything better or maybe that He won’t give us another chance at all. but what has God ever done to show us that He won’t provide?

and that brings me to the next and most important point i think.

trust.

as a rule, we don’t trust God. maybe it’s because we have been hurt by people and been betrayed in the past. we somehow justify in our heads that if we can’t trust someone we can touch, see, smell and someone we have tangible proof of their existence, then how can we trust a God who is beyond our understanding and comprehension?

it makes me feel stupid to say it because i am as guilty of this as anyone, but we have no reason to not trust God because He has never given us a reason not to. we make reasons up like spoiled children out of bitterness, selfishness and greed because we don’t get something we want or something we somehow think we deserve. we don’t deserve anything. everything we have in our lives is a gift from God. whether it’s things we don’t think about like waking up each day in a warm place that we live in or big things like giving us Jesus to die on our behalf, God gives us immeasurable and countless things each and every day that we take for granted.

there’s no reason to not have faith in God or not to trust that He will provide for us. it may not be in our timing and the large majority of the time it won’t be because we don’t see everything that factors in to the decisions and situations God allows and provides. we need to trust God and his plans and timing and know that He only has our best interests and happiness in mind.

the other day i was watching a nooma video called shells. it go toward the end and rob bell told a story that really hit me hard…

he talked about going to the beach one time with his family and there were all these shells everywhere. some of them were good shells and looked cool, but some were just fragments and pieces of broken shells. so they went around collecting them and all of the sudden he looked out into the water and saw a big, perfect starfish just floating there. his little son went to get it, but as he got out a little bit into the water he turned around and came back. they all yelled and encouraged him to go get it so he turned around and ran back out, a little farther this time, but then turned around and came back again. finally after more encouragement he ran all the way out to the starfish, but turned around and came back without it. finally rob asked his son why he didn’t get the starfish…what was holding him back from getting the best? his son said, “because my hands are filled with shells.”

friends, we need to drop our shells…the things that we settle for…broken fragments. we need to drop dependencies on people, alcohol, drugs, sex, money…we need to stop settling for what the world gives us and what we grasp out of fear. we need to empty our hands so we can grab hold of the best that God has for us. we need to empty our hands so we can grab hold of Him.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” – Matthew 7:7-11

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” – Matthew 6:25-33

- david

consider it pure.....joy......?

i often wonder about joy. i wonder about what james was saying when he said "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

pure joy? i just don't know how i feel about that. i think what it's saying is that we should consider ourselves lucky whenever something crappy happens because there's a chance that if you have the strongest will ever and have no problems totally relying on God and never struggle with faith that everything is for the good, then you will come out of every situation you face fulfilled and happy. (sarcasm, much?)

i don't know. i guess you can say i'm bitter about this whole concept. i just don't see it. i'm not saying james was wrong in writing this or that God didn't breath those very words into him, i just don't know how we are supposed to find comfort in those words. maybe if it were to say, "whenever God puts you in a situation to show your faith in Him and come out on top, you should be happy." but that's the issue. it isn't God putting us in these situations. it seems like it's so many things other than Him, actually. sure, He allows it. that much i get. but beyond that...? i have put myself in countless situations and come out on the wrong end. i have put myself in a position to fail or to stumble or fall short more times than i can and wasted precious time and will. so where to i find joy in that?

then there are other factors. take, for example, natural disasters. i don't think that God send hurricanes or earthquakes or tsunamis to punish the world. i think it's just another result of sin and the fall of man since the beginning. you can add anything here...sicknesses like cancer and aids and malaria -- what about a drunk driver crossing the yellow line and killing a family? or a crazy guy who for whatever sick reason kills someone's wife or husband...son or daughter... when we face situations like that, where do we find joy? how do we see the hand of God acting in those situations?

i don't have any doubts that God exists. i don't think i have ever questioned that. i also don't doubt that God is always with us...always watching. the thing i don't know is how do we grab ahold of something intangible...how do we grasp something and put our faith in something that we can't smell or touch or breathe. i preached on this last night even...how we can always find comfort no matter what knowing that we are never alone. it's a lot harder to put those things to practice when something bad happens, though. it's just one of those things i've never understood.

i guess we have to find the joy, ourseleves. i don't think it just presents itself to us. maybe it does, but i don't think so. maybe we can find joy in knowing that God knows what's best for us. it's His love that allows us to make mistakes; His love that allows us to hurt because He loves us so much He wants us to experience everything we can. i guess it's just a love i can't understand and won't.

maybe i should just keep trying to accept it.

- david

Crossroads.

i'm warning you now that i don't think any of these thoughts go together and make sense.

i guess it's time i wrote something since i haven't in over a year. this is one of those desperation attempts...one of those moments in one's life where it feels like everything around you is a fast-moving tornado and all you want to do is grab hold of one thing and secure it, but right when you stretch out your arm you fall. or it just keep getting further and further away. and it feels like your arm keep getting shorter...and finally you can't hold your arm out any longer and you just crumble.

i sat in a session one time at a conference and had someone sum up people's tendencies and mistake fairly well...

the first thing we as humans do is to reach a decision point where we can do one thing or the other. then we make a decision. sadly, more time than not, we decide with our own wants and we don't think things through. call it human nature...call it the fall of man and the "curse" that we have on us because we are created in sin but it's our own decisions that affect our future. others can influence those and give us ideas but we are always the final say.so then we make the decision...for the sake of this we'll say the wrong decision. and now what? now there is another option that presents itself...stop what you're doing and try to right the situation or keep going. sometimes we keep going in fear and sometimes out of excitement. i've heard that some people get adrenaline rushes and "highs" from getting away with something. i'm the opposite, i think. i don't like to push the limits, even though sometimes i screw up as well and usually when i do i screw up big. but anyway, so at some point in this road there there will be a consequence. we can bring that about by heading off the situation or we can have it come crashing on us because we finally get caught. either awy, it all comes out in the end.

this happens with any number of situation. drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex, lying...anything desire of the flesh that we pursue and lend ourselves to. we think we can beat the system then we think that we live in this fairytale land where there are no consequences. our sinful natures and the active presence of evil on earth doesn't justify anything or give us an excuse because we know better. but we still fall so short so often.

why?

and more than that...why is there grace? why has God, such a powerful and perfect being given us everything He can over and over again when everything we do is against it. there's a song by shane and shane called "Your grace is sufficient." it's really short but very powerful when you read the words. it says...

"Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect
When I am weak
And all that I cling to
I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me."

so do we lay it at His feet? or do we spit on them as we walk by and live our lives as we choose out of selfishness and pride. grace is my favorite word ever but mainly because i don't understand it. the concept of it throws me in loops and i will never get a grasp on it's power and perfection in my lifetime. i'm a very logical person...i don't do well with things i can't grasp. so how i do or people like me accept grace? how do we, as flawed people, accept a perfect love and forgiveness. is it our place to even choose to accept it? or is it just there...

we come to these points in our lives so many times...call them crossroads, detours...whatever metaphor you want to use but we arrive at situations and times where we as people break. our foundations that we have built with our own strength and desires crumble beneath us and we feel broken. we finally acknowledge that we have no idea what we are doing and start to panic looking for an immediate answer. looking for something that will just make it all better. looking for something or someone to just pick us up and hold our minds and hearts telling them that everything is going to be okay and that they can kiss it and make it all better. it's not that easy. or is it? maybe there is no prolonged road that we think we have to walk down to find the greater meaning behind things. maybe we try to search so hard and rely so much on patience and time that we forget what we were waiting for. or maybe we should sit by and wait but we just keep trying to take the reigns and we try to control everything over and over and dig ourselves deeper. i don't know. i don't know much of anything but i do know that those are critical times in our lives. i've learned that it's only when i am fully broken that God can finally pick me up and begin to put me together and make me what He wants me to be. or maybe that's just the only time i'll allow Him to get close to me and touch me. i live in such fear of God's will yet i complain about wanting to know it. i get frustrated with God's timing but when He finally shows me i get angry that He answered. it's never enough. how do we approach absolute submission and brokenness. how do we maintain the fragile state of mind that tells us we constantly need God and His guidance? how do we lay ourselves down and just ask God to lead us not caring where we go? that's where we should all strive to be, i guess. a state of total communion and companionship with God. not us just being puppets in His world, but us walking freely with Him and choosing to be with Him out of love and appreciation instead of self-pity and misery. or maybe it doesn't matter how we get to that place as long as we do.

God craves us. deep down, we crave God. we crave a state of ecstasy and salvation and peace with a God that we owe everything to. maybe it's right in front of us and we just need to accept it. maybe acceptance is just the beginning. maybe it's the end-point. i think we just need to crave the true God, regardless of what that means for our own desires and visions. if we crave an idea of God that we have created or crave control and put limitation on God and on what we allow Him to do in our lives, we've accomplished nothing but lost time.

i want to stop losing time.

here's a shawn mcdonald song that i love.

"I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won't You meet
Won't You meet me
I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won't You come inside
Won't You come inside, God
Come and fill this heart of mine
I'm in need of You
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need You
I need You"

that's where i want to be.

so -- here i am.

meet me.

It's time.

I'm going to start a band.

Fun.

In the silence,

David.

Hello!

...to my friends in Dallas, TX and Memphis, TN. I'm not sure who's be visiting my blog from there, but if you'd let me know that would be great! I just wonder these things, that's all.

I don't have anything interesting to say. Sorry. Better luck next time.

In the silence,

David.

Top Friends.

So in writing this, I am assuming(dangerous...I know...) that most of you have either myspace or facebook. If you do, then you know of the evil "top friends" concept.

Yes, evil.

Here are my thoughts on this topic.

First and foremost, some nerd out there needs to buckle down and make a program or something that cycles your top friends each day. Yeah, I have friends that are closer than other. That's a given. But I don't want peoples' feelings to be hurt because they are #6 and so-and-so is #4. Who really cares? Youre one of my top friends. I don't like to rank my friends from favorite to least favorite. If I didn't like you, then you wouldn't be my friend at all!

So here's my disclaimer on all of this:

Just because you're not at a certain "number" on my top friends does not mean I value you as a friend. If you complain, you're finished. :)

I'll catch up with you guys later.

"Nighty whitey." haha.

...and as a side-note, Phil Laeger is an old man.

In the silence,

David.

Dream big.

So tonight a very neat person I know asked me, "are you a dreamer or a realist?"

I must say, that's one of the most challenging questions that has been posed to me in a good while. At first, I had no idea what to say, because I think I see myself as sort of being both.

So that's how I answered.

But I don't think that's a cop-out answer. That's the truth. I really am both. I know what I want in life. I can see how I want things and how I see things clearly. That doesn't mean that everything will always happen like I want. In fact, more often then not, it probably won't. I have found that my wants aren't necessarily always what's best for me. But then, sometimes, they are. So while I can see what could happen I see what is going on at the present. I see the situations I am in and what's going on in my life for what it is. I don't try to fool myself as to what reality is, but if you don't dream, and sometimes dream big, what's the point? Where does one's drive or ambition come from without dreaming or desiring in life? It seems to me that a life without dreams and hopes is a pointless, lost life. I don't know...I just don't think you should ever be content. There's always more in life. You know?

So that's my answer I suppose. You can disagree. I don't care. You're not me. :)

In the silence,

David.

Suggestions.

I liked the question that I was asked the other night. It gave me something to think about that I may not have otherwise.

Here's what I want you to do, friends. Give me ideas to write on. If you have something that you've been thinking about or just something that you think could spark a good bloggin', that would be great. I've been on sort of a block these past couple of days and I'm suckin'.

If I can think of some fun stuff I write I'll do that to, but I think this will be fun and I'd like to try it.

Oh...and you should listen to a song called "bubbly" by a girl named Colbie Caillat. It's kind of like a Norah Jones with a pop sound. That may not make sense, but it will if you hear it. She's got a sweet voice.

Oh...and leave me some comments so I know who's reading and all. I like to see stuff from you guys.

Okay. That's all. Take care.

In the silence,

David.

One of those days.

So today was one of those days...you know the ones I am talking about.

Just one of those days that's not bad, but not great either. Nothing really big happens, but it wasn't necessarily boring, either. I think I like those days...sometimes...

I'm really more of an active person I think. I don't like boring people -- people that just like to sit around and do nothing. I don't mind sitting around, but I'd rather sit with friends. I'm not fond of being alone. I love being around people. It pleases me. I love just sitting and having conversations with people. One of my favorite things is to hang out at a coffee house...not really a starbucks or anything...well I hate starbucks but that's another story...but more so a small independent place. I like to sit outside with a good cup of coffee and just talk. Any conversation is good...sports, life, religion, the world...anything really. I just love socializing. That would have been nice today. But today was good...

...you know...just one of those days...

In the silence,

David.

Let me know what breaks your heart...

Last night a good friend of mine, Kris, posed the following question to me -- "What breaks your heart man?"

Hm.

People.

All kinds of people though. I'm really a very sympathetic and empathetic person. I see people hurting and it makes me hurt. It's almost as though I can feel what they feel sometimes. For example, if I see an old person eating alone at a restaurant it kills me. I don't know why, it just does. I'm a sucker for people who stand in the streets asking for money. I don't give them money, but I always offer to bring them food or I plan ahead if I know I'll see them. I just can't stand when people hurt and suffer. Whether it be mentally, socially, physically, emothionally, siritually -- it doesn't matter. I find that I often times put everyone else before me and care more about their outcome than my own. I am not sure if that crosses the line from being a caring person and having a good quality to something bad, but it's how I am.

I think that's sorta what I was touching on last night. I never want other people to hurt, like when I say something honest, so I beat around the bush. So that's where this whole thing with me being more open stems from sorta. I just need to stop caring so much. Not all the time...I still care and always will. But sometimes, well, you know.

In the silence,

David.

In saying that...

I really do think that people are good.

No, I don't hate the world and think that all Christians are fake and evil. I love Christianity -- the concept. I love God. I love that He loves endlessly. I just get disappointed, that's all. I get sad when people don't live up to their potential. I said that to someone one time and she said, "well that's a terrible thing to say. Who are you to say what someone's potential is? You're being judgemental."

Okay. If you say so.

But I'm really not.

I'm just saying that you KNOW that some people can do more. You know that when someone says they love God but when they have an opportunity to talk about Him they cower away that they missed a shot. Or I guess that they have already reached their potential and it doesn't include witnessing. Right...

So I just wish people were more real. Less scared.

I was talking to my lovely cousin Rebecca tonight and I told her I'm going to make an honest effort to be more like I want other people to be. We'll all fall short...I know I will. But I'm gonna try. Isn't that the first step? I am going to start by being more hoenst with people. I don't mean that I am a pathological liar...I really can't stand when people lie. But I'm not going to dress stuff up to make people happy anymore. I'm gonna be more open...say what I feel. Not that I want people to be hurt by what I say but that I all too often leave a conversation upset because I didn't say all I needed or wanted to. I don't wanna do that anymore. I want to get my two cents in. I want to be understood. If that's not cool for you, well, maybe you won't wanna talk to me? Haha I don't know.

I'm just saying.

In the silence,

David.

Burn.

So, it's been a while. No?

Yes.

But I'm back, and this time I really will stay with this.

Promise...

So where do i even start? This summer -- peru -- wow. Absolutely amazing. I don't know what to say about it really. Most of you have already heard me talk about it and I'm exhausted from doing so. I'm just exhausted in general I think. Everything is finally caching up with me. But yeah, the summer was amazing. God totally rocked my world...from having prophetic visions to praying in the spirit to prophetic prayer at TYI...man God is good.

And TYI? Wow...again. The perfect end to the perfect experience. There's just nothing like being in an environment of love, passion, devotion, and worship for a mighty and worthy God. More that worthy. How do we even give back? Where do we even start to repay and ever-giving, ever-loving, all-powerful and all-forgiving God?

Love. That's how.

I've learned that love is key. Not just being "in love" with your wife, husband, whatever you have...but loving. You have to love people. At TYI Captain Marion Platt spoke of loving others. He talked about loving the last, the lost and the least. The bible says that if we don't love, we can't receive love. That without loving others, we don't fully understand love.

Loving others isn't my problem, though. Loving Christians is.

Christians let me down...so, so much. At least with others I don't really expect them to act better, be respectful, be honest and be real. I expect them to have faults. I expect them to fall short. When they do, I'm not surprised. Whether it's living a life of sin or just rejecting God, I expect it. (now stay with me...a point is coming...) With Christians, I expect them to be real people. I don't expect them to fake their way through life. I don't expect them to lead people on, to lie, to deceive, to hate...or do I? The lines are so blurred now. We(Christians) should stand out, no? I think that when we can't even tell the difference between ourselves and "people of the world" - "others" around us that's a problem. I trust others more. Others understand. Others don't judge because they don't think they are more "holy" than I am or that talking to people about me will better their popularity in the gossip rings of the army. I don't just mean me spefically, I am just using that...

But others -- I feel comfortable with them. They are more accepting. They don't judge me. They don't say "how dare you do that" or "hey guess what so-and-so told me." They listen. They offer advice.

And Christians? I've found that all too often it's the opposite. It's, "I can't believe you'd do something like that" or "how do you call yourself a Christian with that in your past?" Well how do you call yourself a Christian and judge me? How do you call yourself a Christian and not accept people and love them regardless of their faults? How do you let your own pride and vanity get in the way of prayer and understanding for another child of God? Get real.

I've been let down by a lot of Christians. The people in my life that have hurt me most or betrayed me most are "Christians." That disappoints me. Some people would say "well you can't expect more of them -- they're just people and they make mistakes." Shouldn't expect more? Like hell I shouldn't. I'm sorry but that's rediculous. We should hold each other to a higher standard. Not that we're better than the "others" but we sure better live up to our call from God and commitment to Him. Don't you dare call yourself a Christian and then lie, betray, gossip and mislead. Don't you call yourself a good person and act like an angel when you lie to your boyfriend or girlfriend about what's really going on. Don't proclaim your faith to me one minute and then call me while you're drunk the next. Don't tell me you love God and then prove you love the world more. Don't act like my friend and lead me on just because you're bored with what's going on in your life. I don't want phonies...I don't want fake Christians. I want real people. God wants real people. I'm not saying I'm perfect...God knows I'm not. But I'll own up to what I've done. I've done it before and I'll do it again. I know when I fall short and I'll admit it. But don't lie to yourself to the point where you don't even know what's true anymore. That's sad. You're killing yourself...you are.

I don't know how my post got to that but, well, surprise. It did.

Here's what I'm thinking right now...actually my mind is racing so much right now I don't even know. I don't even have the attention span to read what I just wrote so i have no idea if it makes sense or if I ever made a point.

I just moved to Atlanta, and it's stressing me out. I need a job and I need to stay in the Word and I need to stay pressing forward. Please keep me in prayer for those things mainly. I think everything else will follow.

...Oh and if you can pray that my future wife wakes up and finds me that would be great too... :)

I have missed this. I'll do it more for sure.

Sorry that was so long. Thanks for reading.

In the silence,

David.

it's all about patience.

"...but i am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait." ~ C.S. Lewis

i'm going to peru.

how cool is that?

i guess finally listening got me to where i need to be for once, and it's nice to know i finall got the message.

please be in prayer for me and my team and all the preparation that goes into this.

i'll be posting more.

later.

david.

still here.

Hush now baby don't you cry
Rest your wings my butterfly
Peace will come to you in time
And I will sing this lullaby

Know though I must leave my child
That I would stay here by your side
And if you wake before I'm gone
Remember this sweet lullaby

And oh, through darkness, don't you ever stop believing
With love alone, with love you'll find your way
My love

The world has turned the day to dark
I leave this night with heavy heart
When I return to dry your eyes
I will sing this lullaby
Yes I will sing this lullaby

- Josh Groban, "Lullaby"

I'm back. :)

passions

So I haven’t written in a long time. I’m not really sure why I haven’t…I mean I can be pretty lazy so I’ sure that has contributed to it, but I think there’s a deeper reason. I think that a lot of it is what I was writing about. It was always something that stirred up emotions or something that made me bitter when I was done. I guess there’s no point in that. I’m gonna try to keep it simple this time…maybe…

Music. I love it. It’s one of my greatest passions. Someone asked me one time what my passions were and I sort of just cowered and frowned. I couldn’t think of anything. I mean I love sports…love them. But passion? That’s strong. I think baseball used to be my passion when I was moving up into and through high school, but after I was done it sort of died out. I think a lot of that had to do with resentment. That was really it for me…I couldn’t think of any other options so I just said “nothing.” The person sort of frowned back as if I had disappointed them in a way like I cared about nothing in the world. I was hurt. I too was disappointed. It wasn’t too long after that and I was listening to the radio and I heard a song come on. I can’t even tell you what it was, but it was one of “those” songs. You know which ones I am talking about; a song that you hear and you can just close your eyes and relax. For those three minutes or so, you’re free from anything. When I hear one of “those” songs, I usually get goose bumps. It’s just something that happens. For a while I just thought I liked it a lot…but I think it’s because music is my passion. I love it. Music can change my mood with one note…one beat. I have a few different playlists in my iTunes, and each of them has it’s own place in my day and a certain time I usually play it. “Chillaxin’,” for example, is what I listen to when I’m just in a good mood or just sitting around. Sometimes I listen to it when I want to relax, like now. It has artists like Mat Kearney, Hem, Rocky Votolato, Damien Rice, David Gray and the like. I have other playlists like “workout” which I listen to when I’m working out or running or whatever with artists like Auioslave and Angels and Airwaves and Linkin Park and then I have “I’m a G”(I'm cool...I know...) which I listen to when I’m in the mood for rap or anything along those lines. Whatever mood I’m in, I have something I can listen to. I think that’s the beauty of music. It caters to you. It has something for everyone and for every mood. There’s something for waking up and falling asleep; for celebrating and for grieving. It has music to pump you up or to calm you down. What else can do all of that? What else is there that can express so much feeling without saying a word? What else is there that can put a picture in your head without ever telling you what should be there? I have a saying…music is love in search of a word.

Isn’t it?

I love music. It’s my passion.

...for now.

Later.

- David

life movies

I’ve learned something new lately.

The small stuff just doesn’t matter.

None of it really. I mean look at everything in your life that you worry about. Does any of it really matter at all? Yeah stuff matters: family, friends, love – all of these things are vital to life. They make us. They create us. But the small things…

To me, it’s like our lives are like movies. We all have our roles and our plots. All of the other people are really just our supporting characters. Well all do it for each other. We make each other’s movie. We all write, direct, and produce our movies. The script changes daily, but we learn it pretty quick. Sometimes we mess that crap up pretty bad – we know what we should say but something completely different comes out…or maybe it’s just a typo. All of our movies start off different. They all have different scenes even though some overlap. We can simply close our eyes and rewind to any part we want and watch it over, and over, and over again. Sometimes we just want to record over some parts. We really mess up and we do stupid stuff that we wish we could undo but it’s already been printed and put on film. We can’t change what are movies were, just what they’re going to be. We can only do so much. You can’t do it all – you just can’t. I’ve realized that probably more than anyone in the past year. You think you can take everything on but you just can’t.

I was talking with one of my friends recently about a movie (an actual movie…) and we got to talking about something it referred to – what is a moral fiber? Here you go – it’s knowing what you want and caring enough to get it. It’s giving a crap about something and making a heart-first dive into it. Thinking with your head just screws things up. It’s being able to see what you want and to do whatever you have to do to get it no matter how dirty you have to get along the way – no matter how much mud you have to crawl through or how much road you have to walk. Forget that…you’re running. It’s seeing it and just going after it. After her. After him. After anything you love. It’s about love. It’s about loving that him or her like you can’t love anymore. It’s loving so much that you cry to think you’ll have to leave for a minute. It’s loving so much that if you don’t open that door for her like you usually do you know you made the biggest mistake of your life. It’s knowing that if you forget to stand up when she sits down you blew you big shot. It’s being able to just sit and laugh and stare forever and never wanting to blink. Morality – it’s love. It’s actually caring – actually giving a damn about something.

Too many of us don’t. We think we do – but we don’t. We have our money, our “things,” our husbands or wives or our girlfriends or boyfriends and we think we have it all. But do we even care? When we go to bed at night what are we thanking God for? Are we even thinking about that? Do those things ever cross our mind? Nah – we earned up with our hard work and determination…or maybe just mommy and daddy’s money. Yeah we get our girlfriends and boyfriends cause we’re cool and charismatic. We’re really sweet and we give them whatever they want. Then we go back to our friends and we talk about them. We’ll say anything for a laugh or to get some attention. We’ll think anything… We’ll abuse anything. It’s because we just don’t care. We take our movies that are so perfect and we put crap into them. I don’t know about you, but i just want this year’s love to last. I’ve been waiting on my own way too long. I just want it to work out. I want to go to bed at night and thank God for everything I have until I just fall asleep because I can’t think anymore. I want to be able to finally go to bed and not regret every stupid thing I have ever done. I want to go to bed and feel like it was worth it. Was it though? Was any of it worth it? Here’s how I see it.

The juice was worth the squeeze.

So there are some random thoughts. I don’t know if it makes any sense to you like I put it there. Oh well. It does to me.



“it take something more this time
the sweet, sweet lies gone now
before i open up my house i fall
losing all control
every dream inside my soul
when you kiss me on that midnight street
sweep me off my feet
singing ‘ain’t this life so sweet?’

this year’s loving
it will last.”



[love.]

- David

Meet my Nephew, Matthew Aidan Coulson

He's 7 lbs. 3 oz., 20 1/2 inches and absolutely perfect.

about time

Okay I realize I suck at this – really I do. But come one…I have so much on my plate! I mean I am a busy guy now that I am at home and I have nothing to do…ever. Yeah I’m just lazy. I suck. Oh well. I’m doing a post now so suck it up and be happy you got this!

Everything has been kind of crazy lately. I don’t really know how I feel about a lot of things and I don’t know what’s up in a lot of areas in my life. So much seems out of whack and not what it should be but I guess things are how they need to be for now. Where to start…

Well school was good this semester. It wasn’t really what I imagined it would be. Last year at this time when I was planning on going to Asbury in the first place a lot of stuff was different and I was SO excited about going to a place where everything was already set up for me. I like things that way…knowing what’s going to happen before it happens and being able to plan. I guess I just like being secure with everything. Well time went by and stuff changed – people changed and by the time November and December rolled around I was thinking that Asbury was the WORST decision I could ever make. At that point I didn’t know anyone there accept for like one person that I could hang out with and nothing was at it was when I had first considered it…nothing was as it should have been. Or maybe it was. When I finally got there I was scared out of my mind. I had never really had to go into a thing not knowing anyone or anything about it…I usually have a head start on that sort of thing. But this time it was different. I had to start fresh and on my own. I couldn’t rely on my family or my best-friends to get me through everything ‘cause my family was too far away and my friends weren’t the same anymore. I had to grow up. Well I did…fast. I quickly learned the value of true friends – the kind you can meet and just know that you can trust them and that they care about you. I also learned about how important it is to have a close and intimate relationship with God. As you all probably know by now from reading this before, I recommitted myself to God in January and for a while I was doing REALLY well with my devotions and everything. The revival at school helped to push this along and helped me grow in my relationship with God. I did well for a while and even after then I did well off and on but for the most part I slacked off. I’m trying though… Well as for school itself…it got a lot better. At first I hated it and just wanted to go home but then I started meeting people and everything got better. It was still weird at times and I had trouble separating myself from crappy people and crappy things at times but I did pretty well. I made some great friends and did some things I will never forget. I even finished with a 3.8 – 3 A’s, an A- and a B+. Not bad! But don’t EVEN get me started on the whole “minus” concept…ugh…

Well now I’m getting for another go-around at camp and I have mixed feelings about it. Usually at this time I can’t wait for camp and getting to see old friends. Well this year a lot of old friends won’t be there and some just aren’t as they were but the good ones always seem to stick around. I have some stuff to look forward to and as for some other stuff…well we’ll see. I’m not going to let dumb crap get in the way of my goals for this summer that I already have for myself and nothing is going to ruin it for me. It should be good…yeah…it will be. (

Last but not least…in less than 24 hours I will be an uncle. I love that idea. I can’t wait for my sister to have her beautiful baby boy – Matthew Aidan Coulson. We’re all so excited. The doctor is inducing her labor later on this morning so sometime in the early afternoon I should be an uncle. It’s so awesome. God is AMAZING and He always provides. You just have to give Him time…more time than I’d like…

Hopefully everything in my life in general will work itself out in the end…I guess that maybe it just won’t be how I think it should be. We’ll see…

Thanks for reading and here’s a song I heard recently that I love. So I’m putting it on here ‘cause I like it. Ha.



“driving north on 35 heading into the night
the suns getting easier for me to look at
I've been singing these songs about you Montana
for so long without ever even knowing it
the things that you can't see
if you look you'll find
they'll deliver everything
somewhere somehow I got everything backwardsfrom the gas tank to the engine
ambition sets the pistons on fire
and when you feel the distance in an empty bed
lord you'll know that you're the woman of a hard working guitar pickin' man you know my dream has always been
a freight train leaving town
I grew up small town but I always knew I'd get out of that somehow
I'm barely breathing on this stage
but it's keeping me alive
there's nowhere I'd rather be
than on my way home to you tonightdriving north on 35 heading into the night
the suns getting easier for me to look a
maybe Memphis TN, maybe New Orleans
maybe Arizona, I guess we'll see”

- “Montana”
  Rocky Votolato

[love.]

- david

.........

What do you do when you start to question everything in life? Like literally everything.

What do you do when your own existence doesn’t even make sense to you –why you’re here and what you’ll ever do. What if you lose the motivation to care and the motivation to love because you’re afraid of the results? What do you do when you’re afraid to be close to people because you’re afraid that they’re only out to get you? How about when you literally don’t trust anyone and don’t want to?

I just don’t know anymore. For such a long time I was in this limbo and I didn’t know what was going on and then all of the sudden out of nowhere the puzzle was together. Every piece had its place and everything made sense finally. Then for no explainable reason the puzzle was gone. There weren’t even any pieces to try to put it back together. They all got scared and ran off. It’s like you’re cruising along in a boat…everything is perfect and peaceful and then all the sudden you reach the edge of a flat, limited world and you start to get sucked to it out of control and you can’t do anything but see it come and just accept that it’s over and that’s it. At first you want to fight it and you’ll do everything in your power to try and save yourself and stop it from coming, but you just can’t. It’s going to happen –you’re going over the edge and there’s not a thing you can do about it. So you just sit back and accept it and wait…wait for something terrible to come knowing that you are absolutely powerless to stop it and don’t have the will to do anything about it anymore.

So then you pray. You pray because everyone tells you that “God answers prayer” and that everything will work out…they promise. So you pray…and you wait…and the edge still keeps coming…faster and faster it seems. And nothing happens. Every now and then you think it’s getting better and that you may be going toward the shore but then a big wave comes along and beats you back to the middle and pushes you toward your inevitable fate. And everything you’ve ever trusted begins to fail you. The “things” you relied on for so long are no longer there and when you turn to them for help or think they’ll be there with you they laugh at you and scoff. They do everything to push you faster. They don’t care about you anymore…maybe they never did. They all start to gang up on you and every new branch you reach for…every new idea you think of runs from you or breaks off or fails you. Nothing is solid…nothing will hold you…you can’t get a grip on any of it.

And God?

Well He’s there the whole time right? He’s right there beside you comforting you…helping you…right? But you don’t feel Him. You try so hard…you want to so badly. You reach out and beg Him to just pick you up and take you and carry you to safety and happiness but when you open your eyes nothing has changed. It’s all the same…even worse in ways. Every now and then you feel like it’s getting better and He’s actually doing something but then you lose that…and you feel nothing again. You’re numb to it…to Him…to everything. You remember when you could feel…you loved it. You loved to love…to feel love – to feel loved. But you don’t feel anything anymore. You tell yourself you do but you can’t fool yourself forever. You won’t give up…you’ll never give up…but you’ll always wonder. Will it get better? Will He come back to you? Is He still there with you or is He letting you do this one on your own. Is this just a “test” or is this life…for good. Has a test become your life? A test you’ll never understand and you just keep failing…you do it over and over again trying to improve but you fail…you just don’t get it and you won’t.

Maybe there are answers. Maybe not. Maybe there is a point…maybe it’s all just to pass the time.

Time…please hurry…

I'm too tired to wait...

please…come back…..

- David

Prayer

Guys…please pray for Carl Melton and his family. His mother was promoted to glory on Saturday and I know that your prayers would be greatly appreciated by him and his family. Thanks.

- David    

Rescue is coming...

[revival.]    

Hello Love

I’m sure most of you have already heard this somewhere…probably in a sermon or something…but I’m going to say it again because this is my blog and I can say what I want. ( The word “love” appears in the bible 508 times in the bible. Now that is just the world “love”…it doesn’t even count the times that words “love” is a part of are in there. If you did that meaning that you would come up with words like “lovely” and “loved” and “loves” because that would up the count to 697. Granted, not every one of those instances is God saying to us that we are loved by Him but the point is that “love” is key.

Love is important to our lives and the lives of those around us. When we love inclusively we give off a feeling…people pick up on that love and in turn are loving to us and to others around them. Have you ever been in a crappy mood and had a family member or bf/gf or just a friend say, “hey I love you.” Just randomly and unexpectedly and spontaneously? It’s an amazing thing to know you’re loved. It’s an amazing thing to be told that you are loved and to feel that love. I find it hard to contain my love for anyone. Whether it be a friend or a family member or anyone else if I love that person then they will probably know it. I show it in any way I can. I give hugs, I tell them, I give them things, I try to act in a loving manner toward them…anything I can do to show someone I love them. That’s part of the problem though. I choose who I love and don’t love. I choose who gets the hug and who gets a simple head nod. I choose who gets the random thing of flowers or the gift in the mail or who gets the cold shoulder. I’m a jerk. That’s how I see it. I hate that I can’t love everyone. I hate that I have negative feelings for people I don’t even know and for some people I have never even met. That’s so stupid of me…to limit my love – to limit something God commands me to do…love.

Well the bible says to “love your neighbor as yourself” in Leviticus 19:18 and then later on in Matthew 5:43-48 it says "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Easier said than done.

Now obviously we won’t be perfect. Our love will never be perfect because we suck at life. However, we should strive for perfection. It is hard to set your sights on an unattainable goal because you always fall short and it’s easy to get down on yourself and give up. Don’t. Think about how many times you have failed in life. Too many to count? Okay try this year? Still too many? Okay try this week…in fact just think about today for a minute. Think about how many times you have fallen short of what you should be doing in your life. Have you loved everyone you’ve encountered? Have you done your best to expand God’s kingdom? have you prayed yet? Have you thanked God just for having the opportunity to live another day? No…you’re not perfect. Don’t you dare think you are. There’s always a flaw…always. But that’s the beauty of all of this. We don’t have to be perfect…we just have to try our hardest. Yeah we’ll blow it and yeah we’ll fail and be hurt and hurt others but we have to try. We have to. Think about it this way…you won’t disappoint God if you at least try. That’s all he wants. He wants an effort. He knows we won’t succeed all the time and that we’re gonna make idiots of ourselves time and time again but that doesn’t make Him love us any less. There’s a song that says “there’s nothing I can do to earn God’s love” and that’s because it is there and has been there from day one and will be there forever and always. In Romans 8:38-39 it says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

That’s neat. That is love. That is a love I can never give but a love I receive each and every day. That is an amazing love. That is agape love. A love I don’t deserve. A love I will never earn and a love I can’t live up to. A love I don’t have to. It’s there for me. It’s there for you. Take it.

I made up a word one time about someone because I couldn’t decide between gorgeous or beautiful to describe them but neither seemed to be enough so I made the word “gorgeousful.” I think that God’s love is gorgeousful. What else can you say?

I think the Beatles said it best.

“Love is all you need.”

[love.]




- david

i think i can...i think i can....

Jesus, I pray, take all my mistakes.

Throw them away.

Destroy them for my sake.

Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry.

Because I fall so short of your glory.

To the best of my ability,

I'm practicing humility,

and I lay myself before 'cause less is more.

All that I have I lay before,

with my pride on the floor.

'Cause to you less is more.

I pour out myself, all that I am.

You love me so much that you fill me again.

And may these words,

on my heart, on my lips,

somehow mean so much more than this.

Jesus, I pray, know what I'm trying to say.

I pour out myself, before you, oh Lord.

I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more.

And may these words,

on my heart, on my lips,

somehow mean so much more than this.

Jesus, I pray, know what I'm trying to say.

Jesus, I plead, please purify me.

Make my heart clean, drench me with your mercy.

Jesus, I pray, I love you, I need you.

For the rest of my days,

I swear I will seek you.

To the best of my ability.

I'm practicing humility,

and I lay myself before,

cause less is more.

Relient K

"Less is More"

So. Okay. I’m only 3 days into my re-acceptance of Christ and the devil is already trying to beat the door down. It’s ridiculous. I knew that was gonna happen and that this wouldn’t be happy but COME ON! It seems like for the past few months of my life satan has tried to do everything possible to bring me down…to destroy me…to tear me away from God. For a while I gave in.

Back in the beginning of November I was actually doing great spiritually but after a couple of weeks I let satan back in and he came with a vengeance. He tore me apart. He broke me down and weakened me and I gave in to him. I wasn’t strong enough to fight it off. I didn’t have the will to either because for a while I just didn’t care. I figured that things were going badly and that nothing I was doing seemed to make it better so I gave in. I felt at times like God had left me.

Well He hadn’t.

He was there the whole time and the whole time I was asking for guidance and help He was trying to give it to me but I didn’t want to listen. I was too proud and too mad. I was mad at a lot of people for a lot of reasons and it brought me down. Well I’m done with that. I’ve taken all of that – all of the hurt and sadness and anger and frustration and I have laid it at the feet of the Lord. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and, sadly, some of those have affected other people around me that I deeply care for. Well I can’t go back and undo the things I did or the things other people did to me all I can do is ask God to forgive me for my mistakes and forgive those who have wronged me whether they knew/felt they did or not. That’s my duty as a Christian and I’ve done it. At times I get weak and I let frustration and anger slip in but I’m really trying. God knows the desires of my heart…he knows what I want and how I feel and He won’t leave me stranded or alone. Yeah, I’ll face trials. Yeah, I’ll face tests. I’ve been tempted a lot lately but I’m doing better at resisting.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
- James 1:2-4

It’s really hard to be “happy” when I face trials or tests but it’s what God tells me to do. I’ve been praying for that. I’ve been praying to be humbled and experience ultimate humility and grace. I am. God is answering me. He is answering me in His time. It’s hard to wait, but that’s patience – another thing I have been praying for. I need the really bad right now. And understanding…don’t we all need that? None of us understand everything because none of us understand God fully. We never will. All I ask for is a glimpse…just a vague idea of what is going on. I know God is going to do amazing things in my life and I can already feel a change. I can already tell I’m experiencing more of God than I ever have and that this will only lead to good. He’s not going to leave me to do this on my own…

“But now, O Israel, the Lord who created says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name, and you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt, Ethiopia, and Seba as ransom for your freedom. Others died that you may live. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you."” - Isaiah 43:1-4

That seems pretty assuring, doesn’t it?

God is good. I just need to remember that.




[listen…]

- david

Oh PRAISE Him!!!!

Guys I just really wanna tell you this. So here it is…

At midnight on January 20th, 2006 I completely and fully and willingly and openly gave everything I am, all that I can be, everything I hold onto and everything that burdens me and everything that has hindered me, to Christ. On January 20th I fully gave my life to Christ. On January 20th...

I am a new man.

Betcha' didn't see that comin', huh. :)

Wow. That friggin’ rocks.

Thank You.

...and thank you, DeWayne.

Everything has a purpose. Everything is and will be done in God’s time.



[Be still.]

- David

Ask away.

So I have been reading this book called “Velvet Elvis” which talks about different views on Christianity, its foundations and Christian beliefs. It also discusses how Christians approach Christianity and how they react when they have questions about it or when other question it. I personally find the book to be very enlightening because it gives you a different way to look at things and it makes a point that if you have different views or if you have questions then that is actually a good thing. It’s a more open-minded and accepting approach to basic beliefs and values.

One thing that really struck me and that I have done a lot of thinking about is questions. Should we question the church? Should we question the basic beliefs we have been taught and is it wrong/okay for us to feel differently or to have those questions? Should we question God? Not necessarily His existence, but more so just why He does what He does and how He does things. It seems that there are two main types of Christians. One is the group that is like a trampoline. You jump higher and higher using springs to catapult you further and you do it in an attempt to go as far as you possibly can go. The other group’s faith is like a wall of bricks. The wall is made up of individual bricks like the core doctrines, the commandments, basic principles etc. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to feel one way and right to feel the other because everyone is entitled to view Christianity and their faith in their own mindset. But it seems that if we build a wall that we can’t get out of and that no one can get through than have we not in essence closed off Christianity to people who are already there with us? If someone disagrees are they sent to the other side of the wall and excommunicated? It comes across to me from reading the bible and praying and doing devotions and talking with people that we should approach Christianity with more of a “springy” approach. Jesus invites us to jump and enjoy it and we should do the same with other people. Christians now-a-days are far more close-minded than non-Christians because we have our beliefs and we don’t want to change those. It’s human nature really. If someone questions how you feel on a spiritual/moral/Christian issue people tend to take offense to it and become hurt and defensive. This leads to frustration and a stoppage in growth. It’s kinda sad. After thinking about it I have done it too. A lot. I don’t like to change. I don’t like having to adjust or having to adapt or anything. I see how I want things and I don’t want them to change because it’s easier that way. But they reality is that I have to adapt. I have to change. Not my beliefs or anything…but I have to be accepting and appreciative of others’ views and beliefs too and it’s not wrong for me or anyone to question certain things because of whatever reason. We should. If the catholic church was never questioned then we would have the protestant church and if Martin Luther didn’t nail his ninety-five thesis to the door of the Wittenburg Church and start the reformation Christianity and the church in general probably wouldn’t be what it is today. If people wouldn’t have questioned Jesus and the fact that he was the Messiah and the fact that he was the King of Kings and everything else and just accepted it then he would never have died on the cross for our sins. You can feel differently about all of it…in fact I encourage you to feel however you want. But I just feel what we should question. It’s our duty to question.

Here’s another example of questions in the bible. One you should probably know. In His final words He said, “My god, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Ring a bell?

JESUS questioned God…His Father…my Father. I should too.
Many people in the bible have asked questions. David asks God in Psalm 13 how long will he be forgotten and left alone.

Mary questions being the mother of Jesus by saying “But how can this be? I’m a virgin!”

According to Rob Bell, the author of this book, questions are rooted in humility. I agree. Asking a question is acknowledging that I don’t know everything but I am eager to learn.

I don’t want to talk forever on this but I have wanted to post about it for a while and I figured I would now.

Any thoughts?

- david

good stuff

So lately I have not really been myself. Well I have been “me,” but not a “me” that I am accustomed to. I really can’t complain though. It’s not a bad thing or like that I have turned into this crazy person who has gone completely off his rocker…no that was last year. It’s more a feeling that I have. How I act toward other people. How other people see me and their first impression of me.

I feel good. I feel content, happy, confident, warm, strong and I even feel smart. (haha) I don’t know what exactly brought about the change but I can tell you it has most definitely involved God. I think it is because I am where God wants me. I was kinda scared…well I was nervous to the point that I couldn’t even eat because I was so upset from like the beginning of December until just last week. I was scared because I knew deep down inside that what I was doing and where I was at the time wasn’t what god wanted for me. He had something else. I prayed for months about coming to Asbury and that I only wanted to make the move and make the transition if it was what God wanted for me. A lot of people discouraged me from coming saying that I wouldn’t like it because of numerous reasons whether it was the rules, the area, the living arrangements, the beliefs or even the people. So I prayed. I prayed a whole dang lot. Often times I would pray until I fell asleep. Sometimes I would be so upset and nervous and scared and whatever you can say that I would have to pray just to go to sleep.

But not anymore.

This is where God wants me. I don’t know why yet. I don’t know if it is for something or someone or for me or for whatever reason…I just know that I feel right for the first time in a long time like I am finally taking that leap into God’s arms having the faith that He will catch me and carry me and that He will not drop me. I feel comfortable here and with the exception of a couple of times I don’t even know when I was anxious.

I got to see my mom and sister and ricey this weekend and when they left I wasn’t even really upset. Don’t think that’s cause I don’t like them or because I couldn’t wait to leave home. I love my family more than anything and they are all my closest friends. But it just constantly feels like I am doing the right thing and that I don’t have anything to worry about.

The people here are amazing. Well, from what I know thus far. All of the guys on my hall and in the dorm in general are very welcoming and nice. Just last night one of them asked me to go watch a movie with him and two other guys. That may not be a big deal to some people, but when you are moving your life and changing everything it’s nice to have that feeling of acceptance. The faculty and staff are the same way. Since I have been here I have been to one professor’s house and the provost’s house. I don’t know many other schools where so many people have an open invitation to students to come and visit, just hang out, study or even talk about anything that’s on your mind. It’s the difference between a “community” and a “Christian community.” The caring. The understanding. The welcoming spirit and down-to-earth attitudes.

I recently heard in a song I like these words –

“You've only so many roads to choose
Sooner or later the ones you use
They all look the same
Someday you might feel the need
Someday when you're tired of bleeding
For someone else
You're gonna want it for yourself
I ain't saying it's the only way
But wouldn't you like to know

How it feels to live
Like a free man
To give
When there’s nothin’ in your hand
Run like only the river can
Like a free man”
- Angie Aparo
  “Free Man”

I think that’s how it should be. We should feel free. Free from burden, free from sin, free from sadness and misery and pain and hurt and everything bad in the world. I want to be free from that. It’s an ongoing process in my opinion – a process that never ends. Ultimate freedom is achieved when we’re lucky enough to have God call us home and we get to experience a weightless and worry-less and everything-bad-less life. What an amazing promise – to have that waiting. It’s how Jesus was. Jesus was beat, He was ridiculed; He was murdered. Everything bad that could happen to a person happened to Him. Yet he was still free. He was free because it was God who was leading Him and God alone. I think that if we finally turn it all over we will be free on earth. Not necessarily free from sin or from sadness or anything because that is inevitable. But we can still be free in that we’re doing what God wants us to do and I think that gives one a certain feeling…a feeling of being free. I know it because it’s how I feel. I feel free.

I really like it. I feel good.

I just hope that things continue to get even better and that everything works out.

Everything.

- david              

Let's get it started.

So today I am actually going to Asbury. I stayed with a friend last night in Lexington, KY and it was really nice. We all went out to dinner and just hung out for a bit. It’s comforting to know that I have a “retreat” to just go to sometimes if I really just need to get away for a bit.

So here’s the reality. I don’t think I’ve ever been this anxious about doing something in my entire life. This is weird. It’s not really like me either. I’ve heard a lot f people say to me that one of their problems with Asbury is that it seems some people go there to stay in this “protective bubble” and so they can still go “away” to school without ever leaving their comfort zone. Well that’s not me. In fact, going to Asbury is no where in the same continent as my comfort zone. I will have more rules here then I have ever had at any given time at home. It’s odd to think that even though I am getting older and growing up that I am having more restrictions on me. The rules don’t dissuade me though. I don’t mind them really. I acknowledge that, going to a private school with a Christian influence, I have to obey them. Well I don’t HAVE to but going against them would lead to consequences if caught. So I will probably try to do as much right as I can. But anyway…the reason I’m anxious is because Asbury isn’t my comfort zone. I’m not used to this. I am not an officer’s kid and I have not been raised in a little bubble my whole life and I have never attended a private school. I’ve been exposed to a lot and I feel that in ways that has helped me to grow…to learn. I mean yeah I have made mistakes along the way but who hasn’t? You show me a perfect person without blemish and I’ll point to the Son of God. I’m not trying to be sac-religious…just saying that’s not gonna happen. But so my point really is that this is a change for me. It’s just about as opposite a living arrangement and style of education as I have previously had. So yeah…I’m even scared in ways. Oh well. I’m not letting that or anything or anyone else stop me from going or enjoying it.

So in ways I’m excited. I’m excited to start fresh and meet new people – make new friends. I’m open to whatever God has in store for me…or at least I’m really trying to be…and I just want to see what the future holds. I think it will be interesting. This should be good….

Well I hope everyone has a great day and I’ll really try to get back on top of my postings. I have been thinking about some things to talk about in the 1,000 miles of driving I’ve done in the past 3 days so I got some topics. ( Later guys.

- david

and with all that said...

I pose a question for you all...well I guess it's not a question. It's actually a couple of statements.

Everyone has faith.

Everyone is a believer.


Your thoughts?

A year to remember...

So 2005 is just about over. Wow. It's been a wild one.

I would have to say that of all of my 21 years, this would have to be the most memorable. So much happened this year. There was good and there was bad. I made mistakes and learned from them and I accomplished a lot as well. Some of the best memories I have ever had will come from this year. I went into it just as I did any other year - crap; another year of disappointments is coming. Well I sure did learn my lesson there. I started the new year in Winston-Salem, North Carolina with two dear friends of mine and one goal in mind. Have fun. I wanted to make the most of this past year. I didn't want to miss out on anymore opportunities or pass up on any chances. I wanted to seize not just the day but the year as a whole. At times I faltered and stumbled and I fell short, but in the long run I think I accomplished my goal. About 6 years ago now I had a chance for something amazing - something that I wanted so badly. I passed up on it. I told myself at the beginning of this year that if I ever had that chance again I wouldn't miss it for the world. Well I got it. And I grasped it. Sure -- it didn't wind up as I thought it would at the beginning, but at least I got it. This year has been a year of answered prayer. Of gifts. Of opportunities and happiness. It was a year of sadness, loss, heartbreak and let-downs. It was a year of joy, memories I will never forget, a relationship I will never forget and wouldn't give up for anything, the making of new friends and the loss of old ones, a year of changes and adjusting, a year of patience and hostility, a year of giving and a year of receiving, a year of tears and laughter, a year of spiritual ups and downs, a year of lessons learned, a year of death and a year of life, a year I found out I will be the uncle to a nephew, a year I got what I've always wanted, a year I lost it, a year of second chances, a year of third and fourth and fifth ones too, a year of first-times and last-times, my last year at home, a year of love-gained and love-lost, a year of falling in love all over again and again and again for the first time, a year that God loved me and stayed with me, a year I was taught about grace and forgiveness, a year I met Jasmine -- one of the most beautiful people I have ever had the privilege of meeting, a year I rode and got rocked by a mechanical bull, a year I finally got to go to an amusement park with that special someone, a year I finally cracked and made a scrapbook -- that's right, a year I had my first one-month, a year I had my first break-up, my 21st birthday, a year of kisses, holding hands, dancing under the moonlight and sweating to death, a year of weddings, a year of looking dead sexy... :) ... a year of humility, a year I probably spent more money than any other, and so many other things I would probably never finish this list. All in all -- it was an amazing year. One that will not be forgotten. Although I am not where I thought I would be right now with who I thought I would be with, although things have changed recently, although some things just didn't go as planned -- I've been blessed. With another year with my wonderful family, meeting new friends and forming bonds that will stay with me forever, crying tears of happiness from just a touch -- a look. I'll never forget it. Ever. Thank You for making it possible.

...and thank you. Even though it didn't go like I -- we thought, if I could go back and know what I know now I would do it all over again.

Love.

believe. LIVE.

- david

tag (i'm it)

well bernie dake has tagged me. after reading phil laeger's blog i realized that i have to post 5 things about me. i don’t think there are any rules but if i do it wrong just let me know. okay.

1. um…i have tourettes…


2. i love to hug people…it’s really nice


3. i sucked my thumb until i was 15…cause i have tourettes


4. i can’t stand stepping on lines/cracks when i’m walking and if i do i have to step on another line with the other foot in the same place on that foot. yeah, i’m weird. it’s my tourettes. well…that and ocd.


5. i’m gonna miss my family, friends, and home a lot when i move in january. STOP CRYING MOM!!!!

okay. now i tag john copeland,  cristina bell, booth jewett and God.

later all.

believe. live.

- david