Sunday, December 24

still here.

Hush now baby don't you cry
Rest your wings my butterfly
Peace will come to you in time
And I will sing this lullaby

Know though I must leave my child
That I would stay here by your side
And if you wake before I'm gone
Remember this sweet lullaby

And oh, through darkness, don't you ever stop believing
With love alone, with love you'll find your way
My love

The world has turned the day to dark
I leave this night with heavy heart
When I return to dry your eyes
I will sing this lullaby
Yes I will sing this lullaby

- Josh Groban, "Lullaby"

I'm back. :)

Monday, October 9

passions

So I haven’t written in a long time. I’m not really sure why I haven’t…I mean I can be pretty lazy so I’ sure that has contributed to it, but I think there’s a deeper reason. I think that a lot of it is what I was writing about. It was always something that stirred up emotions or something that made me bitter when I was done. I guess there’s no point in that. I’m gonna try to keep it simple this time…maybe…

Music. I love it. It’s one of my greatest passions. Someone asked me one time what my passions were and I sort of just cowered and frowned. I couldn’t think of anything. I mean I love sports…love them. But passion? That’s strong. I think baseball used to be my passion when I was moving up into and through high school, but after I was done it sort of died out. I think a lot of that had to do with resentment. That was really it for me…I couldn’t think of any other options so I just said “nothing.” The person sort of frowned back as if I had disappointed them in a way like I cared about nothing in the world. I was hurt. I too was disappointed. It wasn’t too long after that and I was listening to the radio and I heard a song come on. I can’t even tell you what it was, but it was one of “those” songs. You know which ones I am talking about; a song that you hear and you can just close your eyes and relax. For those three minutes or so, you’re free from anything. When I hear one of “those” songs, I usually get goose bumps. It’s just something that happens. For a while I just thought I liked it a lot…but I think it’s because music is my passion. I love it. Music can change my mood with one note…one beat. I have a few different playlists in my iTunes, and each of them has it’s own place in my day and a certain time I usually play it. “Chillaxin’,” for example, is what I listen to when I’m just in a good mood or just sitting around. Sometimes I listen to it when I want to relax, like now. It has artists like Mat Kearney, Hem, Rocky Votolato, Damien Rice, David Gray and the like. I have other playlists like “workout” which I listen to when I’m working out or running or whatever with artists like Auioslave and Angels and Airwaves and Linkin Park and then I have “I’m a G”(I'm cool...I know...) which I listen to when I’m in the mood for rap or anything along those lines. Whatever mood I’m in, I have something I can listen to. I think that’s the beauty of music. It caters to you. It has something for everyone and for every mood. There’s something for waking up and falling asleep; for celebrating and for grieving. It has music to pump you up or to calm you down. What else can do all of that? What else is there that can express so much feeling without saying a word? What else is there that can put a picture in your head without ever telling you what should be there? I have a saying…music is love in search of a word.

Isn’t it?

I love music. It’s my passion.

...for now.

Later.

- David

Tuesday, June 6

life movies

I’ve learned something new lately.

The small stuff just doesn’t matter.

None of it really. I mean look at everything in your life that you worry about. Does any of it really matter at all? Yeah stuff matters: family, friends, love – all of these things are vital to life. They make us. They create us. But the small things…

To me, it’s like our lives are like movies. We all have our roles and our plots. All of the other people are really just our supporting characters. Well all do it for each other. We make each other’s movie. We all write, direct, and produce our movies. The script changes daily, but we learn it pretty quick. Sometimes we mess that crap up pretty bad – we know what we should say but something completely different comes out…or maybe it’s just a typo. All of our movies start off different. They all have different scenes even though some overlap. We can simply close our eyes and rewind to any part we want and watch it over, and over, and over again. Sometimes we just want to record over some parts. We really mess up and we do stupid stuff that we wish we could undo but it’s already been printed and put on film. We can’t change what are movies were, just what they’re going to be. We can only do so much. You can’t do it all – you just can’t. I’ve realized that probably more than anyone in the past year. You think you can take everything on but you just can’t.

I was talking with one of my friends recently about a movie (an actual movie…) and we got to talking about something it referred to – what is a moral fiber? Here you go – it’s knowing what you want and caring enough to get it. It’s giving a crap about something and making a heart-first dive into it. Thinking with your head just screws things up. It’s being able to see what you want and to do whatever you have to do to get it no matter how dirty you have to get along the way – no matter how much mud you have to crawl through or how much road you have to walk. Forget that…you’re running. It’s seeing it and just going after it. After her. After him. After anything you love. It’s about love. It’s about loving that him or her like you can’t love anymore. It’s loving so much that you cry to think you’ll have to leave for a minute. It’s loving so much that if you don’t open that door for her like you usually do you know you made the biggest mistake of your life. It’s knowing that if you forget to stand up when she sits down you blew you big shot. It’s being able to just sit and laugh and stare forever and never wanting to blink. Morality – it’s love. It’s actually caring – actually giving a damn about something.

Too many of us don’t. We think we do – but we don’t. We have our money, our “things,” our husbands or wives or our girlfriends or boyfriends and we think we have it all. But do we even care? When we go to bed at night what are we thanking God for? Are we even thinking about that? Do those things ever cross our mind? Nah – we earned up with our hard work and determination…or maybe just mommy and daddy’s money. Yeah we get our girlfriends and boyfriends cause we’re cool and charismatic. We’re really sweet and we give them whatever they want. Then we go back to our friends and we talk about them. We’ll say anything for a laugh or to get some attention. We’ll think anything… We’ll abuse anything. It’s because we just don’t care. We take our movies that are so perfect and we put crap into them. I don’t know about you, but i just want this year’s love to last. I’ve been waiting on my own way too long. I just want it to work out. I want to go to bed at night and thank God for everything I have until I just fall asleep because I can’t think anymore. I want to be able to finally go to bed and not regret every stupid thing I have ever done. I want to go to bed and feel like it was worth it. Was it though? Was any of it worth it? Here’s how I see it.

The juice was worth the squeeze.

So there are some random thoughts. I don’t know if it makes any sense to you like I put it there. Oh well. It does to me.



“it take something more this time
the sweet, sweet lies gone now
before i open up my house i fall
losing all control
every dream inside my soul
when you kiss me on that midnight street
sweep me off my feet
singing ‘ain’t this life so sweet?’

this year’s loving
it will last.



[love.]

- David

Thursday, May 25

Meet my Nephew, Matthew Aidan Coulson

He's 7 lbs. 3 oz., 20 1/2 inches and absolutely perfect.






Wednesday, May 24

about time

Okay I realize I suck at this – really I do. But come one…I have so much on my plate! I mean I am a busy guy now that I am at home and I have nothing to do…ever. Yeah I’m just lazy. I suck. Oh well. I’m doing a post now so suck it up and be happy you got this!

Everything has been kind of crazy lately. I don’t really know how I feel about a lot of things and I don’t know what’s up in a lot of areas in my life. So much seems out of whack and not what it should be but I guess things are how they need to be for now. Where to start…

Well school was good this semester. It wasn’t really what I imagined it would be. Last year at this time when I was planning on going to Asbury in the first place a lot of stuff was different and I was SO excited about going to a place where everything was already set up for me. I like things that way…knowing what’s going to happen before it happens and being able to plan. I guess I just like being secure with everything. Well time went by and stuff changed – people changed and by the time November and December rolled around I was thinking that Asbury was the WORST decision I could ever make. At that point I didn’t know anyone there accept for like one person that I could hang out with and nothing was at it was when I had first considered it…nothing was as it should have been. Or maybe it was. When I finally got there I was scared out of my mind. I had never really had to go into a thing not knowing anyone or anything about it…I usually have a head start on that sort of thing. But this time it was different. I had to start fresh and on my own. I couldn’t rely on my family or my best-friends to get me through everything ‘cause my family was too far away and my friends weren’t the same anymore. I had to grow up. Well I did…fast. I quickly learned the value of true friends – the kind you can meet and just know that you can trust them and that they care about you. I also learned about how important it is to have a close and intimate relationship with God. As you all probably know by now from reading this before, I recommitted myself to God in January and for a while I was doing REALLY well with my devotions and everything. The revival at school helped to push this along and helped me grow in my relationship with God. I did well for a while and even after then I did well off and on but for the most part I slacked off. I’m trying though… Well as for school itself…it got a lot better. At first I hated it and just wanted to go home but then I started meeting people and everything got better. It was still weird at times and I had trouble separating myself from crappy people and crappy things at times but I did pretty well. I made some great friends and did some things I will never forget. I even finished with a 3.8 – 3 A’s, an A- and a B+. Not bad! But don’t EVEN get me started on the whole “minus” concept…ugh…

Well now I’m getting for another go-around at camp and I have mixed feelings about it. Usually at this time I can’t wait for camp and getting to see old friends. Well this year a lot of old friends won’t be there and some just aren’t as they were but the good ones always seem to stick around. I have some stuff to look forward to and as for some other stuff…well we’ll see. I’m not going to let dumb crap get in the way of my goals for this summer that I already have for myself and nothing is going to ruin it for me. It should be good…yeah…it will be. (

Last but not least…in less than 24 hours I will be an uncle. I love that idea. I can’t wait for my sister to have her beautiful baby boy – Matthew Aidan Coulson. We’re all so excited. The doctor is inducing her labor later on this morning so sometime in the early afternoon I should be an uncle. It’s so awesome. God is AMAZING and He always provides. You just have to give Him time…more time than I’d like…

Hopefully everything in my life in general will work itself out in the end…I guess that maybe it just won’t be how I think it should be. We’ll see…

Thanks for reading and here’s a song I heard recently that I love. So I’m putting it on here ‘cause I like it. Ha.



“driving north on 35 heading into the night
the suns getting easier for me to look at
I've been singing these songs about you Montana
for so long without ever even knowing it
the things that you can't see
if you look you'll find
they'll deliver everything
somewhere somehow I got everything backwardsfrom the gas tank to the engine
ambition sets the pistons on fire
and when you feel the distance in an empty bed
lord you'll know that you're the woman of a hard working guitar pickin' man you know my dream has always been
a freight train leaving town
I grew up small town but I always knew I'd get out of that somehow
I'm barely breathing on this stage
but it's keeping me alive
there's nowhere I'd rather be
than on my way home to you tonightdriving north on 35 heading into the night
the suns getting easier for me to look a
maybe Memphis TN, maybe New Orleans
maybe Arizona, I guess we'll see”

- “Montana”
  Rocky Votolato

[love.]

- david

Monday, April 3

.........

What do you do when you start to question everything in life? Like literally everything.

What do you do when your own existence doesn’t even make sense to you –why you’re here and what you’ll ever do. What if you lose the motivation to care and the motivation to love because you’re afraid of the results? What do you do when you’re afraid to be close to people because you’re afraid that they’re only out to get you? How about when you literally don’t trust anyone and don’t want to?

I just don’t know anymore. For such a long time I was in this limbo and I didn’t know what was going on and then all of the sudden out of nowhere the puzzle was together. Every piece had its place and everything made sense finally. Then for no explainable reason the puzzle was gone. There weren’t even any pieces to try to put it back together. They all got scared and ran off. It’s like you’re cruising along in a boat…everything is perfect and peaceful and then all the sudden you reach the edge of a flat, limited world and you start to get sucked to it out of control and you can’t do anything but see it come and just accept that it’s over and that’s it. At first you want to fight it and you’ll do everything in your power to try and save yourself and stop it from coming, but you just can’t. It’s going to happen –you’re going over the edge and there’s not a thing you can do about it. So you just sit back and accept it and wait…wait for something terrible to come knowing that you are absolutely powerless to stop it and don’t have the will to do anything about it anymore.

So then you pray. You pray because everyone tells you that “God answers prayer” and that everything will work out…they promise. So you pray…and you wait…and the edge still keeps coming…faster and faster it seems. And nothing happens. Every now and then you think it’s getting better and that you may be going toward the shore but then a big wave comes along and beats you back to the middle and pushes you toward your inevitable fate. And everything you’ve ever trusted begins to fail you. The “things” you relied on for so long are no longer there and when you turn to them for help or think they’ll be there with you they laugh at you and scoff. They do everything to push you faster. They don’t care about you anymore…maybe they never did. They all start to gang up on you and every new branch you reach for…every new idea you think of runs from you or breaks off or fails you. Nothing is solid…nothing will hold you…you can’t get a grip on any of it.

And God?

Well He’s there the whole time right? He’s right there beside you comforting you…helping you…right? But you don’t feel Him. You try so hard…you want to so badly. You reach out and beg Him to just pick you up and take you and carry you to safety and happiness but when you open your eyes nothing has changed. It’s all the same…even worse in ways. Every now and then you feel like it’s getting better and He’s actually doing something but then you lose that…and you feel nothing again. You’re numb to it…to Him…to everything. You remember when you could feel…you loved it. You loved to love…to feel love – to feel loved. But you don’t feel anything anymore. You tell yourself you do but you can’t fool yourself forever. You won’t give up…you’ll never give up…but you’ll always wonder. Will it get better? Will He come back to you? Is He still there with you or is He letting you do this one on your own. Is this just a “test” or is this life…for good. Has a test become your life? A test you’ll never understand and you just keep failing…you do it over and over again trying to improve but you fail…you just don’t get it and you won’t.

Maybe there are answers. Maybe not. Maybe there is a point…maybe it’s all just to pass the time.


Time…please hurry…


I'm too tired to wait...



please…come back…..



- David

Monday, March 6

Prayer

Guys…please pray for Carl Melton and his family. His mother was promoted to glory on Saturday and I know that your prayers would be greatly appreciated by him and his family. Thanks.

- David    

Wednesday, February 8

Wednesday, February 1

Hello Love

I’m sure most of you have already heard this somewhere…probably in a sermon or something…but I’m going to say it again because this is my blog and I can say what I want. ( The word “love” appears in the bible 508 times in the bible. Now that is just the world “love”…it doesn’t even count the times that words “love” is a part of are in there. If you did that meaning that you would come up with words like “lovely” and “loved” and “loves” because that would up the count to 697. Granted, not every one of those instances is God saying to us that we are loved by Him but the point is that “love” is key.

Love is important to our lives and the lives of those around us. When we love inclusively we give off a feeling…people pick up on that love and in turn are loving to us and to others around them. Have you ever been in a crappy mood and had a family member or bf/gf or just a friend say, “hey I love you.” Just randomly and unexpectedly and spontaneously? It’s an amazing thing to know you’re loved. It’s an amazing thing to be told that you are loved and to feel that love. I find it hard to contain my love for anyone. Whether it be a friend or a family member or anyone else if I love that person then they will probably know it. I show it in any way I can. I give hugs, I tell them, I give them things, I try to act in a loving manner toward them…anything I can do to show someone I love them. That’s part of the problem though. I choose who I love and don’t love. I choose who gets the hug and who gets a simple head nod. I choose who gets the random thing of flowers or the gift in the mail or who gets the cold shoulder. I’m a jerk. That’s how I see it. I hate that I can’t love everyone. I hate that I have negative feelings for people I don’t even know and for some people I have never even met. That’s so stupid of me…to limit my love – to limit something God commands me to do…love.

Well the bible says to “love your neighbor as yourself” in Leviticus 19:18 and then later on in Matthew 5:43-48 it says "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Easier said than done.

Now obviously we won’t be perfect. Our love will never be perfect because we suck at life. However, we should strive for perfection. It is hard to set your sights on an unattainable goal because you always fall short and it’s easy to get down on yourself and give up. Don’t. Think about how many times you have failed in life. Too many to count? Okay try this year? Still too many? Okay try this week…in fact just think about today for a minute. Think about how many times you have fallen short of what you should be doing in your life. Have you loved everyone you’ve encountered? Have you done your best to expand God’s kingdom? have you prayed yet? Have you thanked God just for having the opportunity to live another day? No…you’re not perfect. Don’t you dare think you are. There’s always a flaw…always. But that’s the beauty of all of this. We don’t have to be perfect…we just have to try our hardest. Yeah we’ll blow it and yeah we’ll fail and be hurt and hurt others but we have to try. We have to. Think about it this way…you won’t disappoint God if you at least try. That’s all he wants. He wants an effort. He knows we won’t succeed all the time and that we’re gonna make idiots of ourselves time and time again but that doesn’t make Him love us any less. There’s a song that says “there’s nothing I can do to earn God’s love” and that’s because it is there and has been there from day one and will be there forever and always. In Romans 8:38-39 it says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

That’s neat. That is love. That is a love I can never give but a love I receive each and every day. That is an amazing love. That is agape love. A love I don’t deserve. A love I will never earn and a love I can’t live up to. A love I don’t have to. It’s there for me. It’s there for you. Take it.

I made up a word one time about someone because I couldn’t decide between gorgeous or beautiful to describe them but neither seemed to be enough so I made the word “gorgeousful.” I think that God’s love is gorgeousful. What else can you say?

I think the Beatles said it best.

“Love is all you need.”

[love.]




- david

Sunday, January 22

i think i can...i think i can....

Jesus, I pray, take all my mistakes.
Throw them away.
Destroy them for my sake.
Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry.
Because I fall so short of your glory.
To the best of my ability,
I'm practicing humility,
and I lay myself before 'cause less is more.
All that I have I lay before,
with my pride on the floor.
'Cause to you less is more.
I pour out myself, all that I am.
You love me so much that you fill me again.
And may these words,
on my heart, on my lips,
somehow mean so much more than this.
Jesus, I pray, know what I'm trying to say.
I pour out myself, before you, oh Lord.
I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more.
And may these words,
on my heart, on my lips,
somehow mean so much more than this.
Jesus, I pray, know what I'm trying to say.
Jesus, I plead, please purify me.
Make my heart clean, drench me with your mercy.
Jesus, I pray, I love you, I need you.
For the rest of my days,
I swear I will seek you.
To the best of my ability.
I'm practicing humility,
and I lay myself before,
cause less is more.
Relient K
"Less is More"

So. Okay. I’m only 3 days into my re-acceptance of Christ and the devil is already trying to beat the door down. It’s ridiculous. I knew that was gonna happen and that this wouldn’t be happy but COME ON! It seems like for the past few months of my life satan has tried to do everything possible to bring me down…to destroy me…to tear me away from God. For a while I gave in.

Back in the beginning of November I was actually doing great spiritually but after a couple of weeks I let satan back in and he came with a vengeance. He tore me apart. He broke me down and weakened me and I gave in to him. I wasn’t strong enough to fight it off. I didn’t have the will to either because for a while I just didn’t care. I figured that things were going badly and that nothing I was doing seemed to make it better so I gave in. I felt at times like God had left me.

Well He hadn’t.

He was there the whole time and the whole time I was asking for guidance and help He was trying to give it to me but I didn’t want to listen. I was too proud and too mad. I was mad at a lot of people for a lot of reasons and it brought me down. Well I’m done with that. I’ve taken all of that – all of the hurt and sadness and anger and frustration and I have laid it at the feet of the Lord. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and, sadly, some of those have affected other people around me that I deeply care for. Well I can’t go back and undo the things I did or the things other people did to me all I can do is ask God to forgive me for my mistakes and forgive those who have wronged me whether they knew/felt they did or not. That’s my duty as a Christian and I’ve done it. At times I get weak and I let frustration and anger slip in but I’m really trying. God knows the desires of my heart…he knows what I want and how I feel and He won’t leave me stranded or alone. Yeah, I’ll face trials. Yeah, I’ll face tests. I’ve been tempted a lot lately but I’m doing better at resisting.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
- James 1:2-4

It’s really hard to be “happy” when I face trials or tests but it’s what God tells me to do. I’ve been praying for that. I’ve been praying to be humbled and experience ultimate humility and grace. I am. God is answering me. He is answering me in His time. It’s hard to wait, but that’s patience – another thing I have been praying for. I need the really bad right now. And understanding…don’t we all need that? None of us understand everything because none of us understand God fully. We never will. All I ask for is a glimpse…just a vague idea of what is going on. I know God is going to do amazing things in my life and I can already feel a change. I can already tell I’m experiencing more of God than I ever have and that this will only lead to good. He’s not going to leave me to do this on my own…

“But now, O Israel, the Lord who created says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name, and you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt, Ethiopia, and Seba as ransom for your freedom. Others died that you may live. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you."” - Isaiah 43:1-4

That seems pretty assuring, doesn’t it?

God is good. I just need to remember that.




[listen…]

- david

Friday, January 20

Oh PRAISE Him!!!!

Guys I just really wanna tell you this. So here it is…

At midnight on January 20th, 2006 I completely and fully and willingly and openly gave everything I am, all that I can be, everything I hold onto and everything that burdens me and everything that has hindered me, to Christ. On January 20th I fully gave my life to Christ. On January 20th...

I am a new man.


Betcha' didn't see that comin', huh. :)



Wow. That friggin’ rocks.

Thank You.

...and thank you, DeWayne.

Everything has a purpose. Everything is and will be done in God’s time.



[Be still.]

- David

Tuesday, January 17

Ask away.

So I have been reading this book called “Velvet Elvis” which talks about different views on Christianity, its foundations and Christian beliefs. It also discusses how Christians approach Christianity and how they react when they have questions about it or when other question it. I personally find the book to be very enlightening because it gives you a different way to look at things and it makes a point that if you have different views or if you have questions then that is actually a good thing. It’s a more open-minded and accepting approach to basic beliefs and values.

One thing that really struck me and that I have done a lot of thinking about is questions. Should we question the church? Should we question the basic beliefs we have been taught and is it wrong/okay for us to feel differently or to have those questions? Should we question God? Not necessarily His existence, but more so just why He does what He does and how He does things. It seems that there are two main types of Christians. One is the group that is like a trampoline. You jump higher and higher using springs to catapult you further and you do it in an attempt to go as far as you possibly can go. The other group’s faith is like a wall of bricks. The wall is made up of individual bricks like the core doctrines, the commandments, basic principles etc. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to feel one way and right to feel the other because everyone is entitled to view Christianity and their faith in their own mindset. But it seems that if we build a wall that we can’t get out of and that no one can get through than have we not in essence closed off Christianity to people who are already there with us? If someone disagrees are they sent to the other side of the wall and excommunicated? It comes across to me from reading the bible and praying and doing devotions and talking with people that we should approach Christianity with more of a “springy” approach. Jesus invites us to jump and enjoy it and we should do the same with other people. Christians now-a-days are far more close-minded than non-Christians because we have our beliefs and we don’t want to change those. It’s human nature really. If someone questions how you feel on a spiritual/moral/Christian issue people tend to take offense to it and become hurt and defensive. This leads to frustration and a stoppage in growth. It’s kinda sad. After thinking about it I have done it too. A lot. I don’t like to change. I don’t like having to adjust or having to adapt or anything. I see how I want things and I don’t want them to change because it’s easier that way. But they reality is that I have to adapt. I have to change. Not my beliefs or anything…but I have to be accepting and appreciative of others’ views and beliefs too and it’s not wrong for me or anyone to question certain things because of whatever reason. We should. If the catholic church was never questioned then we would have the protestant church and if Martin Luther didn’t nail his ninety-five thesis to the door of the Wittenburg Church and start the reformation Christianity and the church in general probably wouldn’t be what it is today. If people wouldn’t have questioned Jesus and the fact that he was the Messiah and the fact that he was the King of Kings and everything else and just accepted it then he would never have died on the cross for our sins. You can feel differently about all of it…in fact I encourage you to feel however you want. But I just feel what we should question. It’s our duty to question.

Here’s another example of questions in the bible. One you should probably know. In His final words He said, “My god, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Ring a bell?

JESUS questioned God…His Father…my Father. I should too.
Many people in the bible have asked questions. David asks God in Psalm 13 how long will he be forgotten and left alone.

Mary questions being the mother of Jesus by saying “But how can this be? I’m a virgin!”

According to Rob Bell, the author of this book, questions are rooted in humility. I agree. Asking a question is acknowledging that I don’t know everything but I am eager to learn.

I don’t want to talk forever on this but I have wanted to post about it for a while and I figured I would now.

Any thoughts?

- david

Monday, January 16

good stuff

So lately I have not really been myself. Well I have been “me,” but not a “me” that I am accustomed to. I really can’t complain though. It’s not a bad thing or like that I have turned into this crazy person who has gone completely off his rocker…no that was last year. It’s more a feeling that I have. How I act toward other people. How other people see me and their first impression of me.

I feel good. I feel content, happy, confident, warm, strong and I even feel smart. (haha) I don’t know what exactly brought about the change but I can tell you it has most definitely involved God. I think it is because I am where God wants me. I was kinda scared…well I was nervous to the point that I couldn’t even eat because I was so upset from like the beginning of December until just last week. I was scared because I knew deep down inside that what I was doing and where I was at the time wasn’t what god wanted for me. He had something else. I prayed for months about coming to Asbury and that I only wanted to make the move and make the transition if it was what God wanted for me. A lot of people discouraged me from coming saying that I wouldn’t like it because of numerous reasons whether it was the rules, the area, the living arrangements, the beliefs or even the people. So I prayed. I prayed a whole dang lot. Often times I would pray until I fell asleep. Sometimes I would be so upset and nervous and scared and whatever you can say that I would have to pray just to go to sleep.

But not anymore.

This is where God wants me. I don’t know why yet. I don’t know if it is for something or someone or for me or for whatever reason…I just know that I feel right for the first time in a long time like I am finally taking that leap into God’s arms having the faith that He will catch me and carry me and that He will not drop me. I feel comfortable here and with the exception of a couple of times I don’t even know when I was anxious.

I got to see my mom and sister and ricey this weekend and when they left I wasn’t even really upset. Don’t think that’s cause I don’t like them or because I couldn’t wait to leave home. I love my family more than anything and they are all my closest friends. But it just constantly feels like I am doing the right thing and that I don’t have anything to worry about.

The people here are amazing. Well, from what I know thus far. All of the guys on my hall and in the dorm in general are very welcoming and nice. Just last night one of them asked me to go watch a movie with him and two other guys. That may not be a big deal to some people, but when you are moving your life and changing everything it’s nice to have that feeling of acceptance. The faculty and staff are the same way. Since I have been here I have been to one professor’s house and the provost’s house. I don’t know many other schools where so many people have an open invitation to students to come and visit, just hang out, study or even talk about anything that’s on your mind. It’s the difference between a “community” and a “Christian community.” The caring. The understanding. The welcoming spirit and down-to-earth attitudes.

I recently heard in a song I like these words –

“You've only so many roads to choose
Sooner or later the ones you use
They all look the same
Someday you might feel the need
Someday when you're tired of bleeding
For someone else
You're gonna want it for yourself
I ain't saying it's the only way
But wouldn't you like to know

How it feels to live
Like a free man
To give
When there’s nothin’ in your hand
Run like only the river can
Like a free man
- Angie Aparo
  “Free Man”

I think that’s how it should be. We should feel free. Free from burden, free from sin, free from sadness and misery and pain and hurt and everything bad in the world. I want to be free from that. It’s an ongoing process in my opinion – a process that never ends. Ultimate freedom is achieved when we’re lucky enough to have God call us home and we get to experience a weightless and worry-less and everything-bad-less life. What an amazing promise – to have that waiting. It’s how Jesus was. Jesus was beat, He was ridiculed; He was murdered. Everything bad that could happen to a person happened to Him. Yet he was still free. He was free because it was God who was leading Him and God alone. I think that if we finally turn it all over we will be free on earth. Not necessarily free from sin or from sadness or anything because that is inevitable. But we can still be free in that we’re doing what God wants us to do and I think that gives one a certain feeling…a feeling of being free. I know it because it’s how I feel. I feel free.

I really like it. I feel good.

I just hope that things continue to get even better and that everything works out.

Everything.

- david              

Thursday, January 12

Let's get it started.

So today I am actually going to Asbury. I stayed with a friend last night in Lexington, KY and it was really nice. We all went out to dinner and just hung out for a bit. It’s comforting to know that I have a “retreat” to just go to sometimes if I really just need to get away for a bit.

So here’s the reality. I don’t think I’ve ever been this anxious about doing something in my entire life. This is weird. It’s not really like me either. I’ve heard a lot f people say to me that one of their problems with Asbury is that it seems some people go there to stay in this “protective bubble” and so they can still go “away” to school without ever leaving their comfort zone. Well that’s not me. In fact, going to Asbury is no where in the same continent as my comfort zone. I will have more rules here then I have ever had at any given time at home. It’s odd to think that even though I am getting older and growing up that I am having more restrictions on me. The rules don’t dissuade me though. I don’t mind them really. I acknowledge that, going to a private school with a Christian influence, I have to obey them. Well I don’t HAVE to but going against them would lead to consequences if caught. So I will probably try to do as much right as I can. But anyway…the reason I’m anxious is because Asbury isn’t my comfort zone. I’m not used to this. I am not an officer’s kid and I have not been raised in a little bubble my whole life and I have never attended a private school. I’ve been exposed to a lot and I feel that in ways that has helped me to grow…to learn. I mean yeah I have made mistakes along the way but who hasn’t? You show me a perfect person without blemish and I’ll point to the Son of God. I’m not trying to be sac-religious…just saying that’s not gonna happen. But so my point really is that this is a change for me. It’s just about as opposite a living arrangement and style of education as I have previously had. So yeah…I’m even scared in ways. Oh well. I’m not letting that or anything or anyone else stop me from going or enjoying it.

So in ways I’m excited. I’m excited to start fresh and meet new people – make new friends. I’m open to whatever God has in store for me…or at least I’m really trying to be…and I just want to see what the future holds. I think it will be interesting. This should be good….

Well I hope everyone has a great day and I’ll really try to get back on top of my postings. I have been thinking about some things to talk about in the 1,000 miles of driving I’ve done in the past 3 days so I got some topics. ( Later guys.

- david

Monday, January 2

and with all that said...

I pose a question for you all...well I guess it's not a question. It's actually a couple of statements.

Everyone has faith.

Everyone is a believer.


Your thoughts?