i think i can...i think i can....

Jesus, I pray, take all my mistakes.

Throw them away.

Destroy them for my sake.

Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry.

Because I fall so short of your glory.

To the best of my ability,

I'm practicing humility,

and I lay myself before 'cause less is more.

All that I have I lay before,

with my pride on the floor.

'Cause to you less is more.

I pour out myself, all that I am.

You love me so much that you fill me again.

And may these words,

on my heart, on my lips,

somehow mean so much more than this.

Jesus, I pray, know what I'm trying to say.

I pour out myself, before you, oh Lord.

I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more.

And may these words,

on my heart, on my lips,

somehow mean so much more than this.

Jesus, I pray, know what I'm trying to say.

Jesus, I plead, please purify me.

Make my heart clean, drench me with your mercy.

Jesus, I pray, I love you, I need you.

For the rest of my days,

I swear I will seek you.

To the best of my ability.

I'm practicing humility,

and I lay myself before,

cause less is more.

Relient K

"Less is More"

So. Okay. I’m only 3 days into my re-acceptance of Christ and the devil is already trying to beat the door down. It’s ridiculous. I knew that was gonna happen and that this wouldn’t be happy but COME ON! It seems like for the past few months of my life satan has tried to do everything possible to bring me down…to destroy me…to tear me away from God. For a while I gave in.

Back in the beginning of November I was actually doing great spiritually but after a couple of weeks I let satan back in and he came with a vengeance. He tore me apart. He broke me down and weakened me and I gave in to him. I wasn’t strong enough to fight it off. I didn’t have the will to either because for a while I just didn’t care. I figured that things were going badly and that nothing I was doing seemed to make it better so I gave in. I felt at times like God had left me.

Well He hadn’t.

He was there the whole time and the whole time I was asking for guidance and help He was trying to give it to me but I didn’t want to listen. I was too proud and too mad. I was mad at a lot of people for a lot of reasons and it brought me down. Well I’m done with that. I’ve taken all of that – all of the hurt and sadness and anger and frustration and I have laid it at the feet of the Lord. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and, sadly, some of those have affected other people around me that I deeply care for. Well I can’t go back and undo the things I did or the things other people did to me all I can do is ask God to forgive me for my mistakes and forgive those who have wronged me whether they knew/felt they did or not. That’s my duty as a Christian and I’ve done it. At times I get weak and I let frustration and anger slip in but I’m really trying. God knows the desires of my heart…he knows what I want and how I feel and He won’t leave me stranded or alone. Yeah, I’ll face trials. Yeah, I’ll face tests. I’ve been tempted a lot lately but I’m doing better at resisting.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
- James 1:2-4

It’s really hard to be “happy” when I face trials or tests but it’s what God tells me to do. I’ve been praying for that. I’ve been praying to be humbled and experience ultimate humility and grace. I am. God is answering me. He is answering me in His time. It’s hard to wait, but that’s patience – another thing I have been praying for. I need the really bad right now. And understanding…don’t we all need that? None of us understand everything because none of us understand God fully. We never will. All I ask for is a glimpse…just a vague idea of what is going on. I know God is going to do amazing things in my life and I can already feel a change. I can already tell I’m experiencing more of God than I ever have and that this will only lead to good. He’s not going to leave me to do this on my own…

“But now, O Israel, the Lord who created says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name, and you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt, Ethiopia, and Seba as ransom for your freedom. Others died that you may live. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you."” - Isaiah 43:1-4

That seems pretty assuring, doesn’t it?

God is good. I just need to remember that.




[listen…]

- david

Oh PRAISE Him!!!!

Guys I just really wanna tell you this. So here it is…

At midnight on January 20th, 2006 I completely and fully and willingly and openly gave everything I am, all that I can be, everything I hold onto and everything that burdens me and everything that has hindered me, to Christ. On January 20th I fully gave my life to Christ. On January 20th...

I am a new man.

Betcha' didn't see that comin', huh. :)

Wow. That friggin’ rocks.

Thank You.

...and thank you, DeWayne.

Everything has a purpose. Everything is and will be done in God’s time.



[Be still.]

- David

Ask away.

So I have been reading this book called “Velvet Elvis” which talks about different views on Christianity, its foundations and Christian beliefs. It also discusses how Christians approach Christianity and how they react when they have questions about it or when other question it. I personally find the book to be very enlightening because it gives you a different way to look at things and it makes a point that if you have different views or if you have questions then that is actually a good thing. It’s a more open-minded and accepting approach to basic beliefs and values.

One thing that really struck me and that I have done a lot of thinking about is questions. Should we question the church? Should we question the basic beliefs we have been taught and is it wrong/okay for us to feel differently or to have those questions? Should we question God? Not necessarily His existence, but more so just why He does what He does and how He does things. It seems that there are two main types of Christians. One is the group that is like a trampoline. You jump higher and higher using springs to catapult you further and you do it in an attempt to go as far as you possibly can go. The other group’s faith is like a wall of bricks. The wall is made up of individual bricks like the core doctrines, the commandments, basic principles etc. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to feel one way and right to feel the other because everyone is entitled to view Christianity and their faith in their own mindset. But it seems that if we build a wall that we can’t get out of and that no one can get through than have we not in essence closed off Christianity to people who are already there with us? If someone disagrees are they sent to the other side of the wall and excommunicated? It comes across to me from reading the bible and praying and doing devotions and talking with people that we should approach Christianity with more of a “springy” approach. Jesus invites us to jump and enjoy it and we should do the same with other people. Christians now-a-days are far more close-minded than non-Christians because we have our beliefs and we don’t want to change those. It’s human nature really. If someone questions how you feel on a spiritual/moral/Christian issue people tend to take offense to it and become hurt and defensive. This leads to frustration and a stoppage in growth. It’s kinda sad. After thinking about it I have done it too. A lot. I don’t like to change. I don’t like having to adjust or having to adapt or anything. I see how I want things and I don’t want them to change because it’s easier that way. But they reality is that I have to adapt. I have to change. Not my beliefs or anything…but I have to be accepting and appreciative of others’ views and beliefs too and it’s not wrong for me or anyone to question certain things because of whatever reason. We should. If the catholic church was never questioned then we would have the protestant church and if Martin Luther didn’t nail his ninety-five thesis to the door of the Wittenburg Church and start the reformation Christianity and the church in general probably wouldn’t be what it is today. If people wouldn’t have questioned Jesus and the fact that he was the Messiah and the fact that he was the King of Kings and everything else and just accepted it then he would never have died on the cross for our sins. You can feel differently about all of it…in fact I encourage you to feel however you want. But I just feel what we should question. It’s our duty to question.

Here’s another example of questions in the bible. One you should probably know. In His final words He said, “My god, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Ring a bell?

JESUS questioned God…His Father…my Father. I should too.
Many people in the bible have asked questions. David asks God in Psalm 13 how long will he be forgotten and left alone.

Mary questions being the mother of Jesus by saying “But how can this be? I’m a virgin!”

According to Rob Bell, the author of this book, questions are rooted in humility. I agree. Asking a question is acknowledging that I don’t know everything but I am eager to learn.

I don’t want to talk forever on this but I have wanted to post about it for a while and I figured I would now.

Any thoughts?

- david

good stuff

So lately I have not really been myself. Well I have been “me,” but not a “me” that I am accustomed to. I really can’t complain though. It’s not a bad thing or like that I have turned into this crazy person who has gone completely off his rocker…no that was last year. It’s more a feeling that I have. How I act toward other people. How other people see me and their first impression of me.

I feel good. I feel content, happy, confident, warm, strong and I even feel smart. (haha) I don’t know what exactly brought about the change but I can tell you it has most definitely involved God. I think it is because I am where God wants me. I was kinda scared…well I was nervous to the point that I couldn’t even eat because I was so upset from like the beginning of December until just last week. I was scared because I knew deep down inside that what I was doing and where I was at the time wasn’t what god wanted for me. He had something else. I prayed for months about coming to Asbury and that I only wanted to make the move and make the transition if it was what God wanted for me. A lot of people discouraged me from coming saying that I wouldn’t like it because of numerous reasons whether it was the rules, the area, the living arrangements, the beliefs or even the people. So I prayed. I prayed a whole dang lot. Often times I would pray until I fell asleep. Sometimes I would be so upset and nervous and scared and whatever you can say that I would have to pray just to go to sleep.

But not anymore.

This is where God wants me. I don’t know why yet. I don’t know if it is for something or someone or for me or for whatever reason…I just know that I feel right for the first time in a long time like I am finally taking that leap into God’s arms having the faith that He will catch me and carry me and that He will not drop me. I feel comfortable here and with the exception of a couple of times I don’t even know when I was anxious.

I got to see my mom and sister and ricey this weekend and when they left I wasn’t even really upset. Don’t think that’s cause I don’t like them or because I couldn’t wait to leave home. I love my family more than anything and they are all my closest friends. But it just constantly feels like I am doing the right thing and that I don’t have anything to worry about.

The people here are amazing. Well, from what I know thus far. All of the guys on my hall and in the dorm in general are very welcoming and nice. Just last night one of them asked me to go watch a movie with him and two other guys. That may not be a big deal to some people, but when you are moving your life and changing everything it’s nice to have that feeling of acceptance. The faculty and staff are the same way. Since I have been here I have been to one professor’s house and the provost’s house. I don’t know many other schools where so many people have an open invitation to students to come and visit, just hang out, study or even talk about anything that’s on your mind. It’s the difference between a “community” and a “Christian community.” The caring. The understanding. The welcoming spirit and down-to-earth attitudes.

I recently heard in a song I like these words –

“You've only so many roads to choose
Sooner or later the ones you use
They all look the same
Someday you might feel the need
Someday when you're tired of bleeding
For someone else
You're gonna want it for yourself
I ain't saying it's the only way
But wouldn't you like to know

How it feels to live
Like a free man
To give
When there’s nothin’ in your hand
Run like only the river can
Like a free man”
- Angie Aparo
  “Free Man”

I think that’s how it should be. We should feel free. Free from burden, free from sin, free from sadness and misery and pain and hurt and everything bad in the world. I want to be free from that. It’s an ongoing process in my opinion – a process that never ends. Ultimate freedom is achieved when we’re lucky enough to have God call us home and we get to experience a weightless and worry-less and everything-bad-less life. What an amazing promise – to have that waiting. It’s how Jesus was. Jesus was beat, He was ridiculed; He was murdered. Everything bad that could happen to a person happened to Him. Yet he was still free. He was free because it was God who was leading Him and God alone. I think that if we finally turn it all over we will be free on earth. Not necessarily free from sin or from sadness or anything because that is inevitable. But we can still be free in that we’re doing what God wants us to do and I think that gives one a certain feeling…a feeling of being free. I know it because it’s how I feel. I feel free.

I really like it. I feel good.

I just hope that things continue to get even better and that everything works out.

Everything.

- david              

Let's get it started.

So today I am actually going to Asbury. I stayed with a friend last night in Lexington, KY and it was really nice. We all went out to dinner and just hung out for a bit. It’s comforting to know that I have a “retreat” to just go to sometimes if I really just need to get away for a bit.

So here’s the reality. I don’t think I’ve ever been this anxious about doing something in my entire life. This is weird. It’s not really like me either. I’ve heard a lot f people say to me that one of their problems with Asbury is that it seems some people go there to stay in this “protective bubble” and so they can still go “away” to school without ever leaving their comfort zone. Well that’s not me. In fact, going to Asbury is no where in the same continent as my comfort zone. I will have more rules here then I have ever had at any given time at home. It’s odd to think that even though I am getting older and growing up that I am having more restrictions on me. The rules don’t dissuade me though. I don’t mind them really. I acknowledge that, going to a private school with a Christian influence, I have to obey them. Well I don’t HAVE to but going against them would lead to consequences if caught. So I will probably try to do as much right as I can. But anyway…the reason I’m anxious is because Asbury isn’t my comfort zone. I’m not used to this. I am not an officer’s kid and I have not been raised in a little bubble my whole life and I have never attended a private school. I’ve been exposed to a lot and I feel that in ways that has helped me to grow…to learn. I mean yeah I have made mistakes along the way but who hasn’t? You show me a perfect person without blemish and I’ll point to the Son of God. I’m not trying to be sac-religious…just saying that’s not gonna happen. But so my point really is that this is a change for me. It’s just about as opposite a living arrangement and style of education as I have previously had. So yeah…I’m even scared in ways. Oh well. I’m not letting that or anything or anyone else stop me from going or enjoying it.

So in ways I’m excited. I’m excited to start fresh and meet new people – make new friends. I’m open to whatever God has in store for me…or at least I’m really trying to be…and I just want to see what the future holds. I think it will be interesting. This should be good….

Well I hope everyone has a great day and I’ll really try to get back on top of my postings. I have been thinking about some things to talk about in the 1,000 miles of driving I’ve done in the past 3 days so I got some topics. ( Later guys.

- david

and with all that said...

I pose a question for you all...well I guess it's not a question. It's actually a couple of statements.

Everyone has faith.

Everyone is a believer.


Your thoughts?