life movies

I’ve learned something new lately.

The small stuff just doesn’t matter.

None of it really. I mean look at everything in your life that you worry about. Does any of it really matter at all? Yeah stuff matters: family, friends, love – all of these things are vital to life. They make us. They create us. But the small things…

To me, it’s like our lives are like movies. We all have our roles and our plots. All of the other people are really just our supporting characters. Well all do it for each other. We make each other’s movie. We all write, direct, and produce our movies. The script changes daily, but we learn it pretty quick. Sometimes we mess that crap up pretty bad – we know what we should say but something completely different comes out…or maybe it’s just a typo. All of our movies start off different. They all have different scenes even though some overlap. We can simply close our eyes and rewind to any part we want and watch it over, and over, and over again. Sometimes we just want to record over some parts. We really mess up and we do stupid stuff that we wish we could undo but it’s already been printed and put on film. We can’t change what are movies were, just what they’re going to be. We can only do so much. You can’t do it all – you just can’t. I’ve realized that probably more than anyone in the past year. You think you can take everything on but you just can’t.

I was talking with one of my friends recently about a movie (an actual movie…) and we got to talking about something it referred to – what is a moral fiber? Here you go – it’s knowing what you want and caring enough to get it. It’s giving a crap about something and making a heart-first dive into it. Thinking with your head just screws things up. It’s being able to see what you want and to do whatever you have to do to get it no matter how dirty you have to get along the way – no matter how much mud you have to crawl through or how much road you have to walk. Forget that…you’re running. It’s seeing it and just going after it. After her. After him. After anything you love. It’s about love. It’s about loving that him or her like you can’t love anymore. It’s loving so much that you cry to think you’ll have to leave for a minute. It’s loving so much that if you don’t open that door for her like you usually do you know you made the biggest mistake of your life. It’s knowing that if you forget to stand up when she sits down you blew you big shot. It’s being able to just sit and laugh and stare forever and never wanting to blink. Morality – it’s love. It’s actually caring – actually giving a damn about something.

Too many of us don’t. We think we do – but we don’t. We have our money, our “things,” our husbands or wives or our girlfriends or boyfriends and we think we have it all. But do we even care? When we go to bed at night what are we thanking God for? Are we even thinking about that? Do those things ever cross our mind? Nah – we earned up with our hard work and determination…or maybe just mommy and daddy’s money. Yeah we get our girlfriends and boyfriends cause we’re cool and charismatic. We’re really sweet and we give them whatever they want. Then we go back to our friends and we talk about them. We’ll say anything for a laugh or to get some attention. We’ll think anything… We’ll abuse anything. It’s because we just don’t care. We take our movies that are so perfect and we put crap into them. I don’t know about you, but i just want this year’s love to last. I’ve been waiting on my own way too long. I just want it to work out. I want to go to bed at night and thank God for everything I have until I just fall asleep because I can’t think anymore. I want to be able to finally go to bed and not regret every stupid thing I have ever done. I want to go to bed and feel like it was worth it. Was it though? Was any of it worth it? Here’s how I see it.

The juice was worth the squeeze.

So there are some random thoughts. I don’t know if it makes any sense to you like I put it there. Oh well. It does to me.



“it take something more this time
the sweet, sweet lies gone now
before i open up my house i fall
losing all control
every dream inside my soul
when you kiss me on that midnight street
sweep me off my feet
singing ‘ain’t this life so sweet?’

this year’s loving
it will last.”



[love.]

- David